Sunday, July 31, 2011


This post is going to be all over the place. 
I'm warning you now.

 ~I had my follow up appointment Friday to check for follicles.
I only had 1.
It was still measuring small. 
I go back Tuesday to see if it has grown.
I'm hoping another one will have popped up. 

~I was really upset Friday after my appointment, like, broke down sobbing on my way to work.
I have cried a lot this past week. I'm naturally pretty sensitive, but this is out of control.
I don't know if it's the stress of everything going on, or the effects of Clomid, but good grief.

 ~We have started packing and it still doesn't seem real.
I am so consumed with this cycle, the fact that in one month we are moving 
a few thousand miles away hasn't even really sunk in. 
I see boxes all over our apartment, and I still don't "get it"!

~Thursday Lily walked up and gave me a big hug and I just held her as long as she would let me.
I started crying. (odd!!!)
I only get two more weeks of big hugs and kisses.
This aspect of moving has hit me.
I can't believe I don't get to spend my day's with my favorite girls anymore. 

~When I bought my car last year it was because car seats wouldn't fit in the car I had.
I just assumed that when I took the girls' car seat's out it would be because 
we were having a baby and I would be putting their car seat in my car.
This clearly isn't the case.
And now the car I bought to accomodate car seats will be empty in the back.
I know it sounds stupid, but I just thought this car would always be full of kid's. 
Guess not.

~I want to get the girls a little something special before I leave.
I just have no idea what to get them.
They have every toy known to man! 
Any idea's?

Friday, July 29, 2011

Fourteen Days

I leave for Texas in 14 days.
14. DAYS.
I'm freaking out. 
I have 1 box packed. Look at me, the overachiever!
The whole point of this trip is for me to try to find a job.
My resume isn't finished.
I have yet to apply to a single job. 
 I certainly don't have any interview's scheduled.
Guess I will be spending 10 days driving around getting to know the area.
And my in-laws.

Did I mention I am staying with them for 8 days?
Mmhmm, I'm staying at their house while my hubs is enjoying our apartment in SD all to himself.
Maybe I should add I have spent maybe a total of 2 hours alone with them.
This should be interesting. 

Looks like I will be smuggling wine in my room. 
(They aren't cool with drinking. Clearly these are not my parents!)
I am very grateful they are letting me stay there, and they even bought my plane ticket home 
the following week, which was beyond nice of them.
But, it's still going to be weird. 

Pray for me people!

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

New Look

My blog got a little makeover, as I am sure you can tell.
Thanks to Michelle over at Shabby Creations.
I don't have money to spend of a blog makeover, but she had cute templates I could afford.
Don't worry, I don't think for a second I'm some cool blogger, 
But I wanted my blog to at least be cute for all 3 of you readers to look at.
So enjoy!

I have lots of things to blog about, I'm just waiting for pictures from my sister. 
hint hint

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Round Two

Sure enough, we are moving on to round two.
Our Clomid/T.I. cycle did not end in a pregnancy.
I did ovulate, which is good though. 

This cycle we are trying Clomid and our first IUI cycle.
I'm a little nervous.
Not about the actual procedure, but about whether or not it will work.
I am under A LOT of stress right now, and I'm worried about how it's affecting my body.
Between the stress of moving (in 3 short weeks), not having a job, leaving my family 
and the stress of this cycle working, I can't imagine it not affecting my body.
I am trying my best to stay calm.
I really would LOVE for this cycle to work. 
Not just because I want to have a child and be pregnant, 
but I would love to be able to tell my parents face to face, not over the phone. 
It may seem lame, but I want to be there when I can finally announce the news.

I started my Clomid last night, and holy shiz, I can already tell the increased dose 
is making me a little "on edge" shall we say.
Travis says I'm never allowed to take it again. hahaha
We will see about that!
 Hopefully I won't have to take it again, but I learned my lesson of wishing for that last month. 

I'm very hopeful that this cycle works, but I'm going to try not to get my hopes up as much as last month.

 I tried not getting my hopes up last month, but I couldn't help it.
It was our first month having an actual chance.
Hopefully the next month will fly by and have a BFP waiting for me at the end!

Wednesday, July 13, 2011


Has time stopped? 
I certainly feel like it has.
Days are dragging by and feel like weeks.
Knowing that in less than two weeks I will know if I'm pregnant feels like a lifetime away.
Why can't time speed up?

It doesn't help that I am consumed with thoughts.
Am I pregnant? Am I not?
Did I/we do something wrong?
Can I get in one more cycle with Dr. Morales before we move?
Can we afford to do IUI next cycle?
What was that feeling? 
Should I be feeling anything? Should I not be feeling anything?
How early can I test?
This is what I do all. day. long.

I teeter back and forth between being positive and being realistic.
On one hand I can't help but think of all the amazing things that 
will come along if this cycle worked.
But then I snap back to reality and tell myself not to get my hopes up.
If my mind could just shut off for a few weeks, that would be amazing.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

It Hit Me

Tonight on my drive home from my parents house it hit me.
We are moving a billion miles away from them.
I have know this,
but tonight it hit me like a bitch slap in the face.
I started crying, and crying, and sobbing.

What have I done?
I know why we made this decision, but right now it's hard to focus on those reasons.
I can't help but think that I can't just get in the car and drive 40 min. 
up the road and be at my parents or sister's house. 
Now, I have to get on a plane to see them.
I hate to fly.  Have I ever told you that?

I can't believe I am moving in five weeks. 
I couldn't wait for this day to get here fast enough,
and now I'm hoping time will stop for just a little while.
I told T that I will be spending the next five weekends with my family.

Mom, Dad, Sista & Sista Freak, 
If you ever read this just know I will miss you more than you will ever know.
I love each of you with all my heart. 
More than you will ever know.
Now, move to Texas so we can all be together! 

Friday, July 8, 2011

Change of Plans

I lied, I'm not starting a second round of Clomid this week.
Tuesday I went for another ultrasound to insure I could start the Clomid.
Much to my surprise there was a nice big follicle. 
I was so excited!
I may have a shed a tear...or several.

Last night was my trigger.
I was a little freaked out holding the needle, but I just went for it.
And then I felt like a giant wuss, 
because I couldn't even feel it the needle is so small.
I've been stabbed with toothpicks bigger than this needle.

Now, I sit and wait. 
(Not entirely, but I won't get into those details)
I have my appointment set for a pregnancy blood test. 
These may be the longest weeks of my life.
God, please help me not to stress and get through them.

I'm trying really hard not to get my hopes up,
but I kinda can't help it.
This is the first time in 17 months we actually may have a chance at making a baby.
That alone makes me really happy.

If this cycle is a bust, I am hoping we can try one more cycle before we move.
But it may not happen due to timing. 
It's all in God's hands, 
I just have to keep reminding myself of that about 1,000 times a day.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

The 4th

This year we spent the 4th of July with my family.
It was my last real holiday with them for a while. 
It was a rather emotional day for me.
We went to my parent's friends house to bbq and hang out.
They have a lovely backyard overlooking a golf course. 
And from the deck of their house we could watch the fireworks in the distance.
We had a great time eating, drinking, talking, and drinking some more.
Oh, and did I mention I fell in the pool....fully clothed.
Only an idiot like me!
Unfortunately, I don't have pictures of it, but I heard I looked extra graceful!

RayMan making burgers

Stuffed tomatoes...delish

My first tastes better than it looks.

Callie, the sweetest dog ever

My dad's new Jager pour spout, he was pretty excited about it.

Shot's of Jager are mandatory on holidays

Mom & Gram's

See those floats, I was attempting to sit on one when I fell in the pool.

Friday, July 1, 2011

Round 2

This morning I had my follow up appointment for round 1 of Clomid.
It did not go as I had planned.
Apparently, my body just doesn't respond to 50 mg of Clomid.
It did nada.

The new plan is I go back next Tuesday to make sure there are no late changes,
which Dr. Morales said there was only a 5% chance there would be any change.
Then, I will start round 2 of Clomid.
She is upping it to 100mg's.

Hopes, prayers, fingers crossed, wishing on starts, 
it works this next time.
If it doesn't, I don't think we will be able to do another cycle until after we move.
So, the beginning of September at the earliest. 
It's going to kill me if we have to wait, yet again.

As of today I'm on vacation for the next week.
I'm going to try not to stress about all this, and just enjoy the next week with my family.
We will see just how well I do at not stressing..
my guess, not very well. 

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