Thursday, September 23, 2010

Public Service Announcement

This is what I realized tonight:

If you are in your 20's (or any age over say, 24), married, have a stable job, loving husband, a small but comfy home and you are longing to get pregnant and have a child...

DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT go to WALMART. It's like a slap in the face, aisle after aisle.

It will make you question a lot of things, including God. And questioning God is not something I should be doing. I should be secure in knowing that God has a plan for us. I just can't help but wonder why on earth I can't get pregnant but there are at least 5 girls under the age of 18 knocked up or carrying around an infant. I can't handle it.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Done. Done annnd Done.

Tonight I am feeling incredibly overwhelmed, stressed and at my max limit of life. Last night I was on the verge of an anxiety attack. I haven't felt this way in a while. I stopped by Sprouts grocery store and picked up some all natural Anxiety Relief. I need these things to work a little faster.

I am stressed about finding a new place to live in our price range. It's not looking good.

I'm stressed about school. I'm slacking in my class. I have four classes left and I just want it to be done NOW. I can't wait until March.

I'm stressed about my friendships. They all seem to be lacking right now. I'm tired of feeling like I have no friends. I'm tired of stressing about friendships. This is an area of my life that is greatly lacking, and it's really taking it's toll on me.

I'm stressed about the future. Things I have no control over. The "unknown" scares me and stresses me out.

I'm stressed about having a baby. It isn't going as easily as I had hoped. I hate this. I hate seeing announcement after announcement. I hate knowing I'm not going to get pregnant until I go to the Dr. and find out what is wrong with my body. But I hate my insurance and doctor so much that I'm waiting until January when our insurance changes. In the meantime I just sit hear, longing to be pregnant.

I need a stiff drink. I want nothing more than to spend a whole day sewing, but that's not going to happen. I want to spend a whole day with my husband, but between our jobs and football, that isn't going to happen for at least 15 weeks.

I'm exhausted and I can't get enough sleep. I just want 12 hours of sleep. I want to go to bed early, but that's time I could be spending with Travis, so instead I stay up late and wake up a raging bitch the next morning.

I'm just over it right now. I want to cry and crawl in a hole for a few days and come back out once this shitty phase is over. Hopefully soon enough it will be.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Bad Influence

As you probably already know I have a problem buying baby "stuff"! Well, let me just say my amazing boss does not help. I just love her and on days she is home we sit around talking baby stuff and comparing items. It is like heaven for me!

And since she bought plenty of stuff before she was pregnant (although probably not near as much as me!), it has given me the green light. Plus, we are always sharing discounts we find online. Dear Lord, help me please! I CANNOT pass up a good deal. I blame my mother for that; she taught me at an early age to be thrifty and wait for sales.

So, here are the items I have taken into my possession this week:

Like I said I have an incredible boss, and she gave me this today! Her girls used it less than 5 times and I plan on making a new cover for it once the day comes!

Like I said, she is a bad, bad influence. And I don't mind it one bit!
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