Friday, October 28, 2011


A few months ago my sister sent this to me.
I sobbed while reading it.
Last night Kim sent it to me.
I cried again. 
Every single time I read it, I cry. 

"Thoughts on Becoming a Mother"

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.

I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books, but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again. Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.

I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life. I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. 
My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see. Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain. I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body, I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall. I have prevailed. I have succeeded. I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs. I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immerse power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.I have learned to appreciate life.Yes, I will be a wonderful mother."


Thursday, October 27, 2011

Holy Hives

This post is a bit random, but I'm wondering if anyone can offer any insight.
For the past 2.5 - 3 months Travis has been breaking out in hives.
Not just a few here and there, we are taking these bad boys cover his arms, legs and chest.
His lips swell to size that would make the Real Housewives jealous.
They itch, make his body swell and he is completely miserable.
Nothing in his "environment" has changed, he isn't eating anything new, no new body wash or detergent. 
He isn't taking any new medication.
We really have no idea why he is breaking out, we are assuming it's from stress.
 He talked to his doctor about it, and he told him there wasn't much he could do. 
He takes Zantac and Zyrtec, but they don't help too much.

Last night however it got really bad.
His lips were huge. The biggest I've ever seen.
His whole face started swelling. 
His entire chest and back were covered in hives. 
He even started losing his voice as his throat was swelling. Good times.

Has anyone dealt with anything like this?
Or do you know any ways to easy the pain and discomfort? 
He tried an oatmeal bath, but it didn't do much. 
He is going back to see his doctor to discuss this, but considering it's happening nearly 
every single day, any insight you may have would be greatly appreciated.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Say What?

I realize I haven't been posting much,
but I refuse to bitch and moan on every single blog post. 
That's what Twitter and Facebook are for! ha

Anyways, things are starting to get better out here.
I decided to go back to being a server. 
I swore I was never going to do that.
But when you have no income coming in, and it will be the difference
between trying again next cycle or not, there wasn't even a second thought.
Plus, I'm only working lunches, and still making decent money, so it's not horrible..
aside from serving assholes, and dealing with a management team that has no idea what they are doing.

Travis' job though has taken a bit of a turn. 
He was approached last week to interview for a general manager position that is available.
We were both a little shocked. 
Not because he doesn't deserve it, he really does, but because we have only been here 7 weeks!
His interview is Friday. 
Any prayers you could spare would be very much appreciated. 
This position would mean more nights at home, and a pretty decent raise.
And that right now would be such a huge blessing. 
Plus it would open doors for us when we are able to move back to California.

Today however he was approached by his area director as well as another area director.
Basically, he would be guaranteed a general manager position if we were willing to relocate...
to Arkansas!
Travis said he nearly crapped his pants when they told him that.
Once the shock of the location wore off, we talked about it.
I can't believe I am saying this, but we are open to hearing more about it.
He will get more details Friday at his interview. 
It's my understanding if he took the position, we would be moving rather soon.

We were talking tonight about how we think this move was the right decision.
In such a short time frame there have been so many opportunities presented to Travis.
Opportunities that we wouldn't have had in California. 
We are so thankful for these blessings and opportunities. 

Monday, October 17, 2011

Last Week

As I mentioned earlier my parents were here visiting last week.
It was so nice to have them here.
We didn't do too much, but just getting to hang out was fantastic.

They got a room for two nights at a local resort and I went and hung out
with them while they stayed there. We pretty much drank and hung out by the pool the entire time.
My kind of day.

Thursday Travis was supposed to be off work, so we headed to Cowgirls stadium. 
My Dad and Travis were super excited to go on the self guided tour. 
I thought it would be cool, but wasn't as excited as they were.
Until we got there.
And I stepped foot on the field.
I lost my shiz.
I was like a 12 year old boy seeing b00bs for the first time.
I was running up and down the field.
Taking a million pictures.
Running play's with my dad and Travis.
It was awesome.
Until my dad forgot he was 53 and make several attempts to kick a field goal,
which resulted in a pulled hamstring and him limping for the next 24 hours.
The rest of the tour was a little lame.
But I did get to see where hottie Miles Austin gets dressed, so that worked for me!
I wish I had pictures, but they are all on my mom's camera which is back in California.
As soon as we got home, Travis got called in to work.Great ending to the day.
They left Saturday morning, and we have been chatting on Skype every day since.
I miss them so much, but I'm so thankful they were able to come out and visit.
Now I've just got to get some more people out here to visit!

Friday, October 14, 2011


This post will be a dump of random stuff. Enjoy.

~My parents have been here for the past 5 days and I have LOVED having them here.
I really don't want them to leave tomorrow morning. I'm going to be a mess.

~My job hunt still sucks. I never in a million years thought it was going to be this hard. 

~Tomorrow we are going to the car dealership and attempting to work out a deal 
to trade in my car. I know it's just a car, but it sucks. 

~My 18 pregnant friends have started having their babies. It's worse than watching 
them all announce their pregnancy. Here they are having their babies, and I'm still 
trying my hardest to get pregnant. It's so unfair.

~The pain of IF sucks, and while I would never wish it on anyone, I kinda wish some people 
knew the pain and frustration of struggling with IF. I have so many friends who take it for granted. 
Maybe I am naive because I've never been pregnant, but I just want to tell some of them 
to sit back and try to enjoy it. It's not that easy for everyone, and many people would LOVE to be in their position.

~I ventured out to Hobby Lobby for the millionth time today and bought some fabric. They have
the most adorable fabric. I could spend hundreds of dollars there. Thank goodness I don't have 
a steady income so that won't be a problem. 

~While this move has been anything close to fun, easy or remotely enjoyable, it has brought
Travis and I closer together and taught us to rely on each other more than we ever have before.
This situation has reminded me what an awesome guy I married.

~This is going to sound terrible, but I'm shocked how stupid some of my "friends" are when it comes 
to their own labor and delivery. It makes me sad they are so uneducated about it, but then I wonder 
why they don't research it and know what's really going on with their own body. 

~Maybe I am just crazy but I'm really surprised how many people are willing to drop $500+ on a 
crib for their child, but only spend $200 on a stroller/travel system/convertible car seat. REALLY?
Your child's car seat, that could essentially save their life, you are to be a cheap ass on, but there 
is no holding back on a piece of furniture that will sit there for maybe 2 years.
Please tell me if I am missing something, because I just don't get it.
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