Open Letters

Dear Life,

I promise in just two short weeks we will be reunited again. 

No more homework, logging in to class, or lazy team members.

Just you, me, and some pear vodka.

Love,

Your exhausted long lost friend

Dear Pear Vodka,

Thank you for existing.

Without you I couldn't survive school. 

Or anything else.

Love,

Your bitch

Dear Body,

I know you think I tried killing you yesterday.

I promise that was not my intention.

You and I have a lot of work to do on our new elliptical.

Many hours will be spent there.

Get used to it. 

Big changes in our future together. No more sitting on the couch.

Keep up the good work.

Sincerely,

The One Who Tried Killing You

Dear Asshole Father in the Target Parking Lot,

I just about crapped my pants as I watched you put your 2(ish) year old son

on the lap of the female passenger riding in the front seat of your car. 

I was certain you were going to remove him and place him in his car seat. 

But no, I watched you take his car seat out of the car and place it in the trunk

so you could fit the plastic container you bough in the back seat.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

I wish I would have called the cops on you.

I really truly hope you did not get in a car accident.

But even more than that, I really, really, really hope you drove past a cop and he pulled your 

shitty ass over. 

I cannot believe you would put your young son in danger like that.

I hate you.

Sincerely,

The Crazy Car Seat Lady