Thursday, August 25, 2011


I've been dealing with a rollercoaster of emotion's lately.
Some days I'm okay and have faith for the future,
other days I am completely down and have no faith that we will ever have kids.

This past cycle has been the hardest for me.
It took so long to finally get to a place where we had an actual chance each month,
and now I just have to sit here not knowing when our next chance will come.
I think about how awesome it would be if I could just have a "normal" cycle this month,
but then I think realistically, and realize I haven't had a normal cycle in years, why would it start now?

 Adding to difficulty accepting this failed cycle and making thing a  
little harder is that I read so many infertility blogs.
 Many of them were at the same point in a cycle as I was. 
In the past week three of them have announced they are pregnant.
I don't know these people, but I am thrilled for them. 
Thrilled they don't have to deal with IF anymore.
But then, I'm sad. Why isn't it my turn? 
When is it going to be my turn?
Am I ever going to even get a chance to be pregnant?
I can't help but run through all these questions in my head.

I'm ready for the rollercoaster to end.
It's not fun getting your hopes up only to be let down, month after month after month. 


  1. I know the feeling. Right now I'm 3 days late and I can't even bring myself to test. I don't want to see that single line and be let down, again. So I figure I'm just going to wait it out... even though it's killing me. Best of luck to you... I'm sure things will get back on track soon.

  2. It can be emotional to read other blogs. I used to post on the IF boards and had to literally stop because it got to a put it hurt too much. I know what you mean when you say you are thrilled for them and not having to deal with IF anymore, but it hurts you too. I think all anyone who has dealt with IF understands that. Hugs to you.

  3. I completely agree with this entire post. This is so hard and I'm sorry you're dealing with it too :(


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