Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all you wonderful mom's out there.

I got to spend a few hours with my mom and it was lovely.

We drank margaritas and mojitos, snacked on chips, salsa and queso, and went shopping.

The perfect day in my mind.

I didn't think I was going to be emotional today.

Don't ask me why I somehow thought I could get through MOTHER'S DAY without crying.

But I did.

And I was wrong.

I believe it took me all of 30 minutes after waking up to start crying.

First came the anger, hurt, and frustration.

Seeing the bizillion "Happy Mother's Day" post's on FB sucked.

Every post about how wonderful motherhood is, is just another 

reminder to me that I can't create that miracle.

That my body fails me. 

That I am still not pregnant.

Then Travis got a text from his dad.

They went to church this morning and there was a part of the sermon for

 couples struggling with infertility. 

This alone shocked me, although I LOVE that the church did this.

The pastor asked anyone dealing with infertility to come forward 

so he and the church could pray for these couples.

Travis' parents went up and stood there for us. 

It may be silly, but it meant SO much to me.

When Travis told me I immediately started crying.

I'm crying right now just typing this. 

His parents and I don't have a super close relationship,

but the fact that they "stood in" for us meant the world to me.

Throughout the day reading things about being a mom, 

and other's struggling with today has made me breakdown. 

A day that is so exciting and wonderful can be so sad and depressing for others.

It simply isn't fair.

I remember last Mother's Day, we were about 3 months in to "trying".

I thought for sure by this Mother's Day I would have a baby.

Then August came and I clearly wasn't pregnant,

 I thought I would certainly at least be pregnant by this Mother's Day. 

Wrong again. 

I have to stop giving myself these "dates".

It only makes it hurt worse when they go flying by.

I know one day I will be a mom.

It may not be as soon as I hoped,

 but one day I will be a mom.

I cannot wait for that day.