Fun In The Sun

This past weekend we headed out to Palm Springs.

I love it out there, especially during the summer.

I LOVE the heat.

There is nothing better than laying in the pool when it's 110 outside. 

It wasn't quite hot enough for my liking this weekend, but we still had fun.

The weekend consisted of lots of golf for Travis.

And lots and lots of cocktails for myself.

It was just what I needed.

Time with Travis, my family, friends and hard liquor.

Sunday my sister, mom and I met Kim for lunch.

It was so nice.

We just talked, laughed, and drank while my mom told embarrassing stories.

Sounds like a good time, right?

I took pictures, but I don't know where the cord is for my camera so I can upload them.

I will find it one of these days.

Overall, it was a great weekend.

A perfect little getaway.

It made me sad as this was the last trip we will be making for a long time like that. 

The next few weekends are going to be busy.

I think we have something going on every weekend until we move. 

(Or when we are guessing we are moving. A legit moving date would be GREAT!)

Some Favorites

As I have mentioned before I am obsessed with the time suck that is Pinterest.

Like, I may have spent an entire Saturday on the couch pinning.

If you aren't on Pinterest, I highly suggest it.

STAT.

Here are a few of my favorites Pins from the past few days. 

I worry there will be many more blog posts about my recent Pins. 

Source

We are planning a bbq/western themed going away party before we move to Texas. 

This set up will be making an appearance. 

Source

I am finding this to be so true.

Source

I will be making these headbands tomorrow. Super easy, even for beginning sewer's like myself.

Source

Printing these out ASAP. 

I know they will be a big help when we move. 

Especially when half our crap stuff goes in storage.

Untitled

I have been dreading this day since we decided to move.

I knew telling Kim my boss/friend we were moving was going to be emotional.

I just didn't realize how emotional.

I wanted to give her plenty of advance notice so she didn't feel rushed into

finding a new nanny or daycare for the girls.

But I knew telling her was going to suck.

The entire afternoon I felt like I was going to throw up,

and I just kept hugging the girls, crying and telling them how much I love them.

When I told Kim the news, I started crying. 

I felt terrible. I still do.

We talked and she was completely understanding and supportive,

which actually made me feel even worse.

How I could I leave this family who I love and they love me?

Kim started crying a little, and I couldn't even look at her because I knew I would lose my shit.

I left feeling like I had punched her in the stomach.

I cried the whole way home.

Telling her the news was one million times harder than telling my own family.

Then last night I got online and read the most sincere blog post she wrote. 

The tears instantly starting flowing, much like they are doing right now as I type this.

She talked about how much they would miss me, and how she cried after I left,

and how much the girls love me, and every other nice thing you can think of.

Kim and the girls have no idea how much I am truly going to miss them.

I had no idea when I took this job I would actually end up creating 

a friendship that would last a lifetime.

The thought of not seeing the girls every week day kills me.

They are my little rays of sunshine.

The way the hug me and give me kisses warms my black heart! 

These girls give me hope every day that I will one day be a mom.

And then there is Kim.

There are not enough words to describe how thankful I am to have her in my life.

She really has shown me what true friendship is. 

She has been there for me in so many ways, and I will never be able to 

give back to her all she has given to me. 

I know we will still talk crap of celebrities and idiot bloggers.

We will still send billions of emails a day.

But not getting to sit down with her over our morning cup of Starbucks 

and just talk will be one thing I miss the most.

Seriously, I could go on and on about her, 

but then you would want to be her friend,

and I don't want to share! 

In the time left I do have with them 

I intend on taking full advantage of every day.

The girls are probably going to hate me for all the hugs and kisses, 

but too bad, I've got to get them all in while I can.

Kim, 

Thank you for your friendship, support, love, kindness, generosity, and shit talking abilities!

You will be so missed my dear friend, but never forgotten. 

And I promise to fly out here so our babies can have play dates, 

where Lily can teach them the disco roll and how to climb anything in their sight

and Sophia can show teach them sign language and how to rock their babies.

I love you all so much. 

Your family will forever have a huge place in my life and heart. 

Taking The Plunge

Since Travis and I started talking marriage 4 years ago

we always talked about the possibility of moving to Texas.

He grew up there and loves every single thing about it.

I have gone to visit his family over the years,

and I was shocked when I realized I really loved it too.

Last summer we went out to visit his family and check out some houses

to see what was in our price range and whether or not this was for us.

We found our dream starter home.

The perfect floorplan, square footage and it was on a golf course.

Literally, our backyard would have overlooked the 3rd hole.

On the flight home I lost it and realized I couldn't leave my family.

So, we decided to stay here.

Then as months passed we talked about Travis' long term goals at work

and he expressed that we ultimately wanted to work at the corporate level.

It just happens to be based in Dallas.

He started applying for a few jobs, but the fact that we live in California was hurting his chances.

So, the talks began again.

I realized that as much as I love and adore my family,

the only way Travis and I would be able to have the lifestyle we longed for, 

was to move out of California.

(*by lifestyle I mean, for me to be a SAHM, when we have kids, not "drive a Range and wear expensive jewelry" lifestyle)

It hit me then and there that I had to do what we thought was best for our family.

Or at least give it a try.

All that to say,

we are moving to Texas...

 in 10ish weeks.

We are so very excited.

I cannot wait to see what this new chapter in our life has in store for us. 

I am looking forward to getting to explore everything Texas has to offer. 

My biggest concern with the move is finding a job.

I don't intend on nannying once we move out there.

Mainly because, I work for such an incredible family right now

and I don't think I will find anything close to that ever again. 

Not only that, but I did graduate a few months ago and I would like to try 

and put my degree to use, even if only for a short while. 

I know we are in a horrible economy, and jobs are few and far between.

I am terrified I won't be able to find a job when we get out there.

And not working is not an option.

We are planning to rent the first year we are there and use the difference in rent

from what we were spending here to pay down our debt.

The "plan" is to purchase a house after the first year. 

We will see how that goes.

Everything else I seem to plan sends me for a loop, so we will just say we "hope" to buy a house! 

We have ten weeks left, and so much to do.

Not only finding an apartment, packing, and finding me a job,

but a trip to Palm Springs, Tim Mcgraw concert, my birthday,

 a baby shower my sister and I are throwing, a going away party

and flying to Texas to do some apartment shopping. 

Oh, and spending as much time as possible with family and friends.

It is going to be a busy 2 months.

Oh Dear..

I type up a post this morning about how I have been struggling lately. 

I didn't post it because I felt all "Debbie Downer"

and that most all my post's are negative. 

Then this afternoon I took the girls to Barnes & Noble and

like an idiot I checked FB while we are there.

And what should my little green eyes see in front of them..

I'll give you one guess?!

If you guess ANOTHER F'ING pregnancy announcement,  you would be right.

Let's see, that brings the total to 14 since the beginning of the year,

but who's counting, right?

Now, cue hot big fat tears streaming down my face while I'm sitting in the children's section

and B&N reading a book to the girls.

They were probably wondering what the heck was going on!

We put our books away, and hightailed it out of there.

I managed to pull it together for the remainder of the day,

yet the second I stepped outside leaving work, the tears started rolling again.

And they didn't seem to stop my entire drive home.

It was good times, let me tell you.

I'm sure people driving by had a nice laugh!

I'm almost at a loss for words right now.

I'm overwhelmed with emotions.

I'm stressed beyond comprehension.

I have this feeling my thyroid (TSH) is still going to be high when it is tested in two weeks.

From what I understand, taking the thyroid med's should make many 

of my symptoms less and it should be apparent.

They aren't any less. Same as usual. I don't feel any different. 

High TSH means I cannot start Clomid.

Not starting Clomid means more sitting on my ass waiting.

More waiting means more tears, frustration, anger and bitterness.

Fun stuff I tell you, fun stuff.

I'm posting this not because I want sympathy,

but because I realized this afternoon, 

this is my life right now.

Whether I like it or not. 

I don't really care if I sound like Debbie Downer, this is my blog, and my life.

This is how I'm feeling and what I'm dealing with.

It freaking sucks. 

But I don't have the power to change it.

I really wish I did.

I've been listening to this song A LOT lately.

It basically sums up exactly how I feel.

I just can't say it as eloquently as she does.

Thoughts

This post is a random mash up of thoughts.

1. The host and judge's on these "Little Miss Perfect" pageant's are creeps.

You can quote me on that. 

2. A onesie is not an outfit. Your child is probably embarrassed you are parading him

around town in a onesie and socks & shoes.

You couldn't spring for pants?

Would you want to walk around in a bodysuit and shoes?

I think not.

Neither does your kid.

3. I went stand up paddleboarding this weekend and it was awesome.

I seriously had so much fun.

Don't get me wrong, I ate crap a few times.

But I can't wait to go back and take someone who has never been so I look like a pro.

4. I'm heading to Palm Springs for a few days at the end of the month

and I am literally counting down the days.

The sun, pool, heat, food, family and lot's of cocktails is my recipe for the perfect weekend.

5. I really wish nice fabric wasn't so expensive.

It kills me to spend $15+ for one single yard.

My wallet is thankful I am too cheap to spend that kind of money.

My fabric stash however hates me.

6. I'm jones-ing to throw a party.

Any kind of party.

I just need something to plan and a reason to get creative.

7. Why is the name Brayden/Braden/Braydon 

the most popular name right now? 

I do not why everyone is going banana's and naming their son's this. 

8. Please tell me I am not the only person who reads blogs 

because the blogger is a complete train wreck and you can't stop reading.

It's like crack. I am completely addicted.

I have to keep reading to see what craziness the person is up to next.

Hopefully, I am not that blogger for you! 

Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all you wonderful mom's out there.

I got to spend a few hours with my mom and it was lovely.

We drank margaritas and mojitos, snacked on chips, salsa and queso, and went shopping.

The perfect day in my mind.

I didn't think I was going to be emotional today.

Don't ask me why I somehow thought I could get through MOTHER'S DAY without crying.

But I did.

And I was wrong.

I believe it took me all of 30 minutes after waking up to start crying.

First came the anger, hurt, and frustration.

Seeing the bizillion "Happy Mother's Day" post's on FB sucked.

Every post about how wonderful motherhood is, is just another 

reminder to me that I can't create that miracle.

That my body fails me. 

That I am still not pregnant.

Then Travis got a text from his dad.

They went to church this morning and there was a part of the sermon for

 couples struggling with infertility. 

This alone shocked me, although I LOVE that the church did this.

The pastor asked anyone dealing with infertility to come forward 

so he and the church could pray for these couples.

Travis' parents went up and stood there for us. 

It may be silly, but it meant SO much to me.

When Travis told me I immediately started crying.

I'm crying right now just typing this. 

His parents and I don't have a super close relationship,

but the fact that they "stood in" for us meant the world to me.

Throughout the day reading things about being a mom, 

and other's struggling with today has made me breakdown. 

A day that is so exciting and wonderful can be so sad and depressing for others.

It simply isn't fair.

I remember last Mother's Day, we were about 3 months in to "trying".

I thought for sure by this Mother's Day I would have a baby.

Then August came and I clearly wasn't pregnant,

 I thought I would certainly at least be pregnant by this Mother's Day. 

Wrong again. 

I have to stop giving myself these "dates".

It only makes it hurt worse when they go flying by.

I know one day I will be a mom.

It may not be as soon as I hoped,

 but one day I will be a mom.

I cannot wait for that day.

Vacation Spots

This week I am linking up with Kelly at Kelly's Korner 

for Show Us Your Life. 

This week's topic is your favorite vacation spot!

I have two to share.

My all time favorite vacation

and then our "go to" getaway vacation. 

First is my all time favorite vacation spot.

The Cayman Islands!

AMAZING.

It is by far the most beautiful and amazing place I have ever been. 

I would love to go back every year, but it's not in our budget.

We stayed at the Marriott on 7 Mile Beach.

Five years ago I would have highly recommended it, but after I saw it last year I'm not so sure.

If you go, you must stay on 7 Mile Beach though.

Everything there is pretty expensive.

Especially the food. 

Lunch for 4 people can easily cost $100, and I'm talking burgers and fries!

But the island is just so beautiful that it almost makes it worth every penny.

And if you have a little umbrella drink, it certainly makes it worth it.

I highly recommend doing the Stingray City Tour.

You board a catamaran and they take you out into the middle of the crystal blue

ocean and drop you off to swim with Stingrays.

It is incredible.

I would do it again in a heartbeat.

I can't wait to go back, and hopefully stay for a week with my hubby. 

My second favorite spot is our "go to" getaway, which is Las Vegas! 

We only live a few hours away, so it's the perfect place to jet off to for a few days.

We have stayed at several hotels on the strip.

My fav's are Mirage and Treasure Island.

We stayed at Mirage for our 1st anniversary and had the most amazing suite. 

You can read all about it here.

However I am DYING to stay at the Wynn.

That's happening on our next trip. 

Source

There are so many wonderful restaurants in Vegas. 

I could literally spend the entire trip eating.

My favorite's are Border Grill and Dos Caminos. 

(You MUST order the guacamole at Dos Caminos)

And if you are in Vegas, you have to eat at a buffet.

The buffet at the Wynn is fantastic. 

You must go!

Dos Caminos

We usually spend the trip eating, drinking and walking the strip.

We have seen one show, and that was Mystere at Treasure Island.

The story line was a little strange,

but holy heck, the Cirque du Soleil performers were incredible.

INCREDIBLE.

You must see one show with Cirque du Soleil. 

Randoms

One of the perks of my iPhone are all the random pictures I can take.

A few weeks ago I downloaded the Instagram app.

It's so addicting!

Because I know you are all just dying to see my pictures, here they are.

I'm warning you, the quality isn't great

and it's a random mix of subjects.

Enjoy!

Raspberry Mojito...delish!

Farmer's market finds

Another day at work, it's so rough!

Raspberry Peach Bellini

My bff's.

The cutest fluff EVER.

Everything Happens For A Reason

I truly believe everything happens for a reason.

While I may not understand it now,

one day I will. 

There are many things I don't understand right now.

But, even though it may be years down the road, 

I know I will look back and understand why that happened.

As I was driving home from work last night 

it dawned on me that my job is so much more than just a job.

There was a much bigger "reason" for it.

Not only did it get me out of the restaurant industry,

it has also been an increase in my income.

This in itself was a huge bonus.

The bigger bonus has been everything else this job has given me.

 But I don't doubt for one second that God knew

what he was doing when I got this job.

My boss/friend Kim has become a wonderful friend.

She may never know how much support and help she has given me this past year.

While dealing with and trying to navigate this infertility world,

she has been there every step of the way giving me the best advice and support.

I would honestly be lost and a hot mess if it were not for her.

Any time I am feeling down

I have the two most beautiful, sweet and funny girls to make me laugh.

That is my work day! 

I know for a fact I would be battling depression if 

I were still working in the restaurant industry and dealing with infertility.

I was hating life already when I was working at the restaurant,

so I can only imagine how negative I would be now.

Instead, I love my job and it brings me so much joy.

And I know that is greatly helping my outlook on life right now.

Travis has even commented on how much happier I am since I started nannying for them. 

Moral of this long blog post,

I know this family came into my life for a very important reason.

They may never realize all they have done for me.

But they will always have a huge place in my heart. 

I am so thankful to God because he knew what I was going to need far before I did,

and he gave me just that. 

Plans

I have always been a "planner".

I feel lost without some sort of plan.

Even if the plan changes 100 times, having one 

makes me feel like I have some control of the situation.

Today was our big set of plans day.

Plans as to how we are going to go about getting pregnant.

Our appointment went really well.

It helps that I really like our RE.

All our test results came back.

Travis check out great.

As for me, my thyroid is still a problem 

and she confirmed the PCOS diagnosis.

We were basically given all our options and told we could chose where we wanted to start.

So, we will be starting with Clomid and timed sex.

If I don't ovulate on Clomid I will move on to injectables.

If I do ovulate on Clomid but don't get pregnant we will move on

to Clomid and IUI.

If those don't work, I don't want to think about it right now.

I was excited thinking I might be able to start the Clomid soon

as I should be starting my next cycle in the coming weeks.

But I cannot as my TSH is too high

and it needs to be under control before I can go forward.

Hopefully I can get it under control this month 

and we can start the Clomid in late June, early July.

I am really excited to finally have a plan.

I'm nervous Clomid won't work,

but I need to just have faith things will work out according to God's plan.

So there is the plan.

Stay tuned to see how it works!