Damn You Stress

Today was one of many RE appointments to see how the cycle was going. 

Each cycle my body seems to really take it's time,

slow and steady is what the nurse's love to call me. 

Today I finally had a follicle big enough, of course though I only have one.

I know one follicle is all I need, but I was really hoping with the increase in 

meds I would have at least 2 follicles. 

My nurse was a little surprised I only had 1 follicle as last month

I had 2 and all I was taking was Clomid. 

My response was "I was far less stressed last month".

She said that's probably why I only had one.

Awesome.

I've heard a million times how stress can effect infertility. 

I guess I didn't realize just how much of an effect it can make. 

I am TERRIBLE at staying calm.

I get worked up over the smallest, dumbest stuff. 

Not to mention last week I had a full on anxiety attack one night. 

I told Travis for the next 2 weeks I am checking out. 

I'm not dealing with anything. 

I need to stay as stress free as possible.

If only I could pause life around me for those two weeks. 

God, please grant me patience the next 16 days. 

 

Weekly Randoms

I've decided I'm just going to do a weekly randoms post,

since I rarely have enough material for full blog posts. 

On to this weeks randoms...

1. Most exciting of all, my sister and BIL closed on their first house today! 

I am beyond thrilled for them.

I cannot wait to go out there in a few months to see the house. 

So proud of you Sista'!

2. I've finally started to make some friends out here.

I will say, people here in Texas are pretty darn friendly.

It has been so nice to have girlfriends to go grab lunch with or go shopping. 

I am really thankful to be meeting some really great people,

and it's not only nice for me to get to hang with them, but for Travis and 

their husbands to get along so we can all go out together. 

3. I went to lunch today with one of said girlfriends.

The weather was lovely so we decided to sit on the patio.

I wasn't quite prepared for the intense sun.

I got home looking like this...

Note to self, slather on sunscreen next time. This is not a good look.

4. We spent Easter at home watching The Masters.

I have to admit, I got pretty into on the final day.

I was really rooting for Bubba Watson. I was so happy he won! 

I'm not exactly sure what has happened to me that I'm enjoying watching golf. 

5. Injectables are making me CRAAAAZY.

Holy wow.

I don't even know what to say. This shiz is intense. 

God help us and our marriage if pregnancy hormones are anything like this. 

6. Saw the new Pioneer Woman cookbook today.

It's on my must buy soon list.

I was drooling flipping the pages.

Pretty sure she is my hero! 

Fifth

I want to start by saying thank you all for your kind words.

I have received several emails, text's and comments on here, 

and I really do appreciate each and every one.

This situation is totally crappy, but the amazing people I have met 

and the support complete strangers offer puts a huge smile on my face. 

I can't thank you enough for your thoughts, prayers and love. 

We started cycle #5 tonight. 

This cycle consists of;

Gonal F, Letrozol, and Ovidrel. 

Party time! 

May the 5th cycle be the charm. 

Maybe Next Time

Cycle #4 has officially come to an end.

Friday night I started feeling terribly nauseous. 

I woke up Saturday morning feeling the same way.

When I got home from work Saturday night I decided to take a pregnancy test.

I knew it was really early, but I thought I do it anyway. 

For the first time ever, I walked away from the test. 

Staring at it until something happens has never helped in the past, 

so I went and sat on the couch, and for about 2 minutes actually forgot the test.

I jumped up and walked into the bathroom picked up the test, and there it was

A SECOND PINK LINE!!!

My heart started racing.

It was very, very light.

But a line is a line, right?! 

I immediately called Kim, and when she didn't pick up I text her. 

I needed confirmation I wasn't just seeing things.

She freaked out with me and confirmed that yes, there were 2 pink lines. 

I would have grabbed a different test for a second set of results, but I had already dumped the pee.

 

 Travis was a work, and I didn't want to tell him over the phone, 

so I had to wait until he got home, which felt like an eternity. 

I wanted to call everyone and tell them, but I had to tell Travis first.

He got home, I told him, and he freaked out and started crying.

It was awesome! 

Then we called my sister and parents and told them.

There was no way in hell I could wait even 24 hours to tell them.

I woke up bright and early Sunday morning to take another test. 

Hoping and praying to see another, slightly darker line.

Well, there was nothing. 

I pulled out a different brand of test, and again, nothing.

I just knew it right then. 

Throughout the day I started spotting.

UGH.

I knew in my heart that it was over. 

I prayed and prayed that God would work a miracle and it wasn't the beginning of the end.

I went in for a blood test this morning, and when the nurse saw me 

having my blood drawn she got a huge smile and congratulated me. (punch in the heart)

I told her what went down this weekend and she apologized,

and told me she was praying for me and promised to call as soon as she got the blood work back.

She called this afternoon to let me know it was negative.

And by late this afternoon Aunt Flo arrived. 

Travis had the day off today, and I ended up leaving work early because I felt like shit. 

I came home and we just hung out and talked.

We are both in a major funk today. 

It just sucks. 

We want this so damn bad. 

Thank you for all your prayers, we really do appreciate them. 

On to cycle #5 we go...

Decisions

I was talking to a good friend today who I have been friends with since we 

were 11 years old, and just starting middle school. 

We have been through LOTS together.

For many years we were at completely different area's in our lives,

she was a wife and mother far years before I had even met Travis.

Yet here we are at the point where we are starting to figure out 

what we really want to do with our life in terms of a career.

We were chatting and I was saying how I think it is crazy that at 18 years old

you are supposed to get an education coinciding with the lifelong career you want.

The person I was at 18, and the person I am now are two very different people.

Hell, the person I was 5 years ago is stunned by the stuff that comes out of my mouth nowadays. 

The things I knew then, or thought I knew then are nothing in comparison to now. 

Had I known at 18 what I know now, my choice in a degree would have been so different. 

 I think this is part of why so many people hate the job they have. 

Your ambitions, likes, dislikes and passions change so much between 18 and 30. 

I finally got my degree a year ago,

and in that short amount of time I have discovered what I am truly passionate about,

and it certainly has nothing to do with what I spent years studying. 

I guess the point to all of this is,

while it took me a really, really long time to figure it all out,

I think I finally know what I'm supposed to do with my life. 

And it feels really good be starting on the path that will lead me to my career.

 

Source

Bits and Pieces

Life is rather mundane these days,

therefor I don't have a whole blog post worth of material to chat about. 

So again I am left with a post of randoms. 

Enjoy.

1. I'm 3-4 days in to the 2 week wait. 

I forgot how slowly time passes when you are waiting. 

I swear Thursday feels like 3 months ago. 

2. I'm finally making friends out here! 

It is so nice to have people to hang out with. haha

The stereotype is true; people in Texas are nicer! 

3. I'm a cheap ass. Major cheap ass.

I've been known to put a shirt back on the rack that was $8

because I was determined to wait for it to go further on clearance.

Well, Thursday Travis demanded I go buy myself some "real" clothes. At full price.

I still couldn't justify full prices, so I went to the Gap outlet that was having a nice sale. 

I am happy to say I came home with lots of stuff,

and only three items are going back as I just can't justify the price!

4. I love, love, love my Erin Condren planner.

However, it weights a friggin' ton. 

Seriously, I have to take it out of my purse every time I shop

or else my shoulder starts to throb. 

5. After talking with many customers at work who have also dealt with infertility,

I'm really happy to know I'm not the only one who buys baby stuff before being pregnant.

I can't tell you how many people I have met who already have a crib! 

I feel better knowing I'm not alone.

I know this is going to sound insane, and probably not make much sense,

but I've realize for me, buying baby stuff is a way of coping. 

If feel like I were to suddenly stop it would be like I was giving up hope. 

I know, I sound insane! 

6. With the above being said, I would like to be to known I scored at Baby Gap two weeks ago.

I got $275 worth of clothes for a whopping $35!!!

I owned that store! 

7. Even though I spent two weeks here in Texas last August, 

I'm 99% sure I have no idea what is coming this summer in terms of heat.

Help me!