Why Wedding Planning Blows

Dearest Wedding Industry,
i always thought the day I would be able to utilize your professionals would be the happiest day ever. I dreamed of wonderful, creative, one of a kind things for my wedding. All those things have gone right out the window and you have crushed all of my dreams. Now I understand you have to make money and you have bills to pay too, but look around, we are in a recession.

I think I speak for the masses when I say engaged couples can't spend what they would have two years ago. Brides have to watch every dollar they spend. At least I do. And maybe I am just too cheap but I seem to find wedding vendors extremely overpriced. A wedding officiant is $400...four hundred dollars to show up at my wedding for maybe an hour at the most, and actually "work" for 20ish minutes of that hour. You charge $400 for that? For all I know you spent $30 and became ordained online, and now you are charging $400 for your services. And then the church I attend, you won't even consider marrying me because you don't think I am "involved enough" in the church. (Those were your words, not mine) And then you really said no when you heard I was not getting married IN your church, but outdoors. Let me just say, this has left a nasty taste in my mouth, and I'm not sure how you plan on getting me more "involved" after our ever-so-welcoming chat.

My next beef would be with bakeries. I know wedding cakes are a piece of art, and many of them will take your breath away. However, I am not having one of those cakes. I do not have an extra $1000 laying around to spend on water, flour and eggs. I do not want a nasty fondant cake, yes I understand you can create amazing designs on them, but I don't enjoy peeling what looks and feels like already chewed gum off my wedding cake. I simply want some plain butter cream frosting and fresh flowers on my cake. But $4 a slice seems insane to me. I could make an entire box cake for that much. And if I had the time and sanity to learn how to make butter cream frosting, I would be making my cake myself. In fact, if I can scrape together some sanity, I just might learn and save myself the $164.50 I have been quoted for a cake.

Going down the hit list would be the makeup & hair vendors. I did find an amazing makeup artist and she is very reasonably priced. So why on earth can I not find a reasonable hair dresser? Please, please tell me why it will cost me upwards of $100 to have my hair done. I don't want anything crazy! Your supplies consist of bobby pins and hairspray, so $5 goes towards supplies. You are now making $95 for an hour of work. I'm clearly in the wrong profession. Tack on the additional $75 per bridesmaid, after 3 hours of work you have just made at least $250 before tip! I would like to make that kind of money.

I have said it once and I will say it again, if I could go back in time I would have never run right out and put down a deposit on a venue. I would have waited a few days and really let the wedding stress sink in. And at that very moment I would have booked a cabin in Lake Tahoe in January, called our family and told them when to be there. We would be getting married in front of a roaring fireplace with the snow falling outside. It would have cost 1/3 the price and I wouldn't be spouting grey hairs as fast as women Tiger Woods has slept with are appearing.

Bottom line, ELOPE.


~This would have been lovely