Monday, August 3, 2009

Pity Party for 1 Please

**Warning: I understand I that my life is not that difficult, however I am having a pity party, and this is my blog, so I can! And this is going to be a long post** This past year has been a very difficult one for me. In the past year my Grandfather who I was very, very close to past away. I knew it was coming, but it was still very difficult for me. I moved back home with Mom & Dad after 3 years of living on my own. It wasn't my ideal situation, but it was what needed to happen based on my financial situation. My mom and I don't seem to get along too well when we live together. And in all honesty, I never though that I would still be here a year later. My cousin who is a year older than me got engaged. The family knew it was coming, but it was still hard for me to deal with. Then in October my little sister got engaged. This rocked my world. I was so happy for my sister, but never did I think she would be getting married before me. And while Travis and I have talked about marriage for quite a long time now, it seemed as though she talked about it for a week and next thing I knew they were engaged. Then 5 months later my little sister was a married woman. The days after she had moved out were very hard for me. I am the big sister, I was supposed to be the one who was married and living with my husband, not still living at home with mom and dad. This is something I still struggle with. On top of all of this the past year has presented me with a new gift; major anxiety. It sucks. I hate every single minute of it. As I said in a previous post, I am seeing a therapist and working on dealing with and controlling my anxiety, but the past year it has just been overwhelming at times. Then to round it all out, several of my dear friends have become engaged, bought houses, welcomed babies, moved, and gotten new jobs or promotions. And here I am; unmarried, living at home, working at a job I loathe, nowhere near buying a home or having kids or moving. I am not one step closer to any of my goals. I am so thrilled for all of my friends and family for the blessings in their lives that God has given them. Yet at the same time I am so jealous. (It is so bad, I know this)

I don't even know how to end this blog entry. I'm just having a pity party tonight and needed to get all of this off my chest. I am so unbelievably happy for my family and friends. I am just so ready for it to be my turn. I have an amazing boyfriend who one day is going to make an amazing husband and father...and I am ready for that day to be today..or tomorrow. When is it going to be my turn?

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