Public Service Announcement

This is what I realized tonight:

If you are in your 20's (or any age over say, 24), married, have a stable job, loving husband, a small but comfy home and you are longing to get pregnant and have a child...

DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT go to WALMART. It's like a slap in the face, aisle after aisle.

It will make you question a lot of things, including God. And questioning God is not something I should be doing. I should be secure in knowing that God has a plan for us. I just can't help but wonder why on earth I can't get pregnant but there are at least 5 girls under the age of 18 knocked up or carrying around an infant. I can't handle it.

Done. Done annnd Done.

Tonight I am feeling incredibly overwhelmed, stressed and at my max limit of life. Last night I was on the verge of an anxiety attack. I haven't felt this way in a while. I stopped by Sprouts grocery store and picked up some all natural Anxiety Relief. I need these things to work a little faster.

I am stressed about finding a new place to live in our price range. It's not looking good.

I'm stressed about school. I'm slacking in my class. I have four classes left and I just want it to be done NOW. I can't wait until March.

I'm stressed about my friendships. They all seem to be lacking right now. I'm tired of feeling like I have no friends. I'm tired of stressing about friendships. This is an area of my life that is greatly lacking, and it's really taking it's toll on me.

I'm stressed about the future. Things I have no control over. The "unknown" scares me and stresses me out.

I'm stressed about having a baby. It isn't going as easily as I had hoped. I hate this. I hate seeing announcement after announcement. I hate knowing I'm not going to get pregnant until I go to the Dr. and find out what is wrong with my body. But I hate my insurance and doctor so much that I'm waiting until January when our insurance changes. In the meantime I just sit hear, longing to be pregnant.

I need a stiff drink. I want nothing more than to spend a whole day sewing, but that's not going to happen. I want to spend a whole day with my husband, but between our jobs and football, that isn't going to happen for at least 15 weeks.

I'm exhausted and I can't get enough sleep. I just want 12 hours of sleep. I want to go to bed early, but that's time I could be spending with Travis, so instead I stay up late and wake up a raging bitch the next morning.

I'm just over it right now. I want to cry and crawl in a hole for a few days and come back out once this shitty phase is over. Hopefully soon enough it will be.

Bad Influence

As you probably already know I have a problem buying baby "stuff"! Well, let me just say my amazing boss does not help. I just love her and on days she is home we sit around talking baby stuff and comparing items. It is like heaven for me!

And since she bought plenty of stuff before she was pregnant (although probably not near as much as me!), it has given me the green light. Plus, we are always sharing discounts we find online. Dear Lord, help me please! I CANNOT pass up a good deal. I blame my mother for that; she taught me at an early age to be thrifty and wait for sales.

So, here are the items I have taken into my possession this week:









Like I said I have an incredible boss, and she gave me this today! Her girls used it less than 5 times and I plan on making a new cover for it once the day comes!



Like I said, she is a bad, bad influence. And I don't mind it one bit!

Life Right Now

I'm bad at updating my blog, but you already know that. So here is a little update on life right now....

We are not moving out of state! We are staying put for a while. T wasn't big on the idea of moving to Arizona, and I didn't want to force him into it. Plus, the more I though about it, the more I can't imagine leaving the family I nanny for. So, we are on the hunt for a new place to live. I'm praying that we find something rad within our budget, but it's looking like slim pickings. We have a month and a half until we are moving, so we have time. If only we had $2000 a month for rent, we could afford to rent a small house. Isn't that just insane? Every time I think about that it makes me think about the perfect house we found in Texas. But, it's not worth being far from family.

Like I said, my job is amazing. I love, love, love the family I nanny for. I could not have asked for a better family. The girls are near perfect, and their parents could not be any cooler or understanding. It's amazing how finding a job you actually enjoy can make such a difference in your life. Four months ago I hated getting up every day because I dreaded going to work, and now I don't even mind getting up at 6 am to be out the door on time and sitting in an hour of traffic on my way home! I just love this family and I am so thankful they allow me to be a part of their family.

As for the whole thyroid issue, it's STILL a work in process. My doctor is a complete idiot who is wasting my time and finances. I don't know if I should continue fighting this battle with her or just wait until the first of the year when we can change our insurance coverage and deal with this then.

Tomorrow I start weight watchers..it's long past due! I am hoping this will help my self esteem and my overall health. I'm dying to get pregnant and I hope losing some weight will help me in that journey.

That's life right now and I'm loving every minute of it.

Vent

So, I have this personal issue with children's safety, more or less kids in carseats. It drives me nuts when people buy carseats that are cheap and pieces of crap, or they do no research on the safest seat within their price range. I'm not saying the most expensive seat is what you have to buy, but I would think parents would want to protect their child. Then when people don't install their carseat's properly, that makes my blood boil also. It isn't that hard to have your carseat checked at the local police or fire department, and ensure your child is going to be strapped in securly. I hate seeing little children riding in the front seat of the car, they have no business being up there. I don't care if you are driving down the street, something can happen at any time. Why take the chance? I don't care if people think I am crazy, you can bet my children's carseats will be inspected to ensure they are properly installed, they will be in their carseats for as long as possible and won't be riding up front. There are crazy enough drivers out there, I want to make sure I am doing everything in my power to keep them as safe as possible.

That being said a friend on facebook last night posted how she had just put her 9 month old daughter forward facing in her convertable carseat. UMM...HELLO, the rule is 1 year AND 20 lbs.(and it's actually suggested keeping them rear facing to 2 y.o) Instantly my blood started boiling. Then the comments started rolling in:

"ah, so fun she can see the world now"
"isn't it supposed to be 1 year and 30 lbs"
"it's so much easier when they are forward facing"
"this will make your life so much easier"

one person in 12 comments said "she needs to be rear facing until 20 lbs AND 1 year" to which the mother responded "everyone has their own opinion and we know what is best for our child". ARE YOU F'ING KIDDING ME?!?! This isn't just "someones" opinion, I'm fairly certain they have suffiecient evidence to back up their reasoning. But I'm sure the fact that your kids feet are touching the seat is a completely valid reason. (sense the sarcasm?!) The one person who knew the right info responded saying "it's to protect her neck" and explain why she needs to stay rear facing. The mother never responded. Someone else suggested she read the manual again. Did she not read the manual in the first place? I really hope after reading that she turned her around.

I'm sure I sound neurotic, and I know I am, but it just get's under my skin. As a parent, why wouldn't you want to do everything you can to protect your child? Am I just crazy and taking this too far?

Misc. Monday

1.Drivers
I cannot for the life of me stand it when people drive slow. Get out of the fast lane if you are going to drive 70 mph...especially when cars are backing up behind you. I wish irritable bowl syndrome on these people. Get in the car and GO.

2.Golf
Don't tell my husband, but I have been dying to go golfing! We would go every day if we had the time and financial means to do so. I try to downplay how much I enjoy it or else I will never hear the end of it.

3.Little Ladies
That's what I call the girls I nanny for, the little ladies! I just love these two and while sometimes it gets stressful (like when they both start screaming their heads off) they can crack me up just by laughing and flashing a toothless grin. And in return I am somehow able to make them laugh every time they barf all over me, they seem to think it is hilarious. I beg to differ.

4.Target
As you may or may not know, I have a slight obsession with Target. I go ALL.THE.FREAKIN'. TIME. But I have to say, I have been really disappointed with the clearance selections lately. Come on Target, I can only afford things that are at least 50% off!

5.Say What?
I have been trying to cook more and more, but every time I make something T usually hates it. Last night he had to close at work so I made myself a pizza. Fresh dough, pesto, tomatoes and mozzarella cheese, that's all it was. It was pretty darn good. T had a piece at 1am when he got home. He told me it was the best dish I have ever made. How can that be? It's the easiest and cheapest thing I have ever made! Good to know, we will now be eating lots of pizza.



6.Vomit
Our lease for our current apartment is up in a few months, so the other day I started researching what our apartments are renting for. I about threw up. Our *huge* 540 sq.ft. apartment is now renting for $1300 a month. Is that a sick joke? $1300 a month for no waster or dryer, only 2 full cabinets in the kitchen, no storage, oh and 540 square feet! It really makes me want to vomit just thinking about it.