Thank You

I just want to say thank you for the comments and emails I received. 

You all are so kind and generous, and I really appreciate the thoughts and prayers.

I really can't thank you enough.

Travis and I have had some time to talk about how or what we can do to make changes

that will allow us to financially go forward with treatment. 

Who knows when or if I will get a "real" job with a substancial income.

I can't just wait around for that to happen to keep trying to grow our family. 

(Don't get me wrong, I'm still sending out resumes every single day. ugh)

In the meantime, we are getting rid of my beloved car. 

I LOVE my car, but it's just a car, and I would rather spend the money towards our treatments.

Clearly it's not going to cover much, but an extra $200 is an extra $200 that we could really use right now. 

I'm working. It's not exactly what I want to be doing, but it's a small..very small paycheck. 

And right now, some income is better than no income. 

So, that's life in Texas right now.

Not at all what I thought it was going to be. 

But my parents get here in a week and I cannot wait! 

And thank you again for all your kind words.

They really have helped so much. 

You all are awesome!

Untitled

I've tried to stay away from blogging lately because I have nothing but negative things to say.

And I didn't want to totally be "that" blogger. 

But it is life right now. 

I know my life isn't horrible, we are just going through a really rough time right now.

The job I was supposed to have a third interview with fell through.

A currently employee of the company asked to transfer, so they filled the position.

I had two other interviews with a company, and the title of the job was far

from the actual duties of the job. It paid like shit and was only 25 hours max each week.

So I'm back to taking a retail job that pays slim to none, and is only part time.

In the mean time, I'm sending out resumes every day and

looking for a second part time job, because we need the money.

While we were living in San Diego we knew we had an issue with our mail, 

half the time it was that our apartment number was missing, even though we always wrote it down.

Many, many other times we simply never got our mail. 

We've had several medical bills go to collections because we never received the bills. 

That's the first time we find out about them.

We thought we had received all of them and were up to date on payments.

Until we moved, changed our address and suddenly medical bills are rolling on in. 

I just got one today that says date of service is January 2011. 

WTF?

To make a really long story short, as much as it kills me, 

we have to stop trying to have baby.

At least for a little while.

We are just so far in over heads right now.

I'm devastated. 

But we just don't have any other options right now. 

So if you don't see me around blogging for a while, you know why.

I just can't really deal right now, so I'm just taking some time for myself to deal with things.

This Isn't For Me

Can someone please explain to me how ladies are stay at home wives. 

Because I have no idea how they don't lose their mind.

Stay at home mom's, I totally get it. I hope to be one some day.

But at a stay at home wife, I just don't get it.

I'm bored out of my mind. 

And I have plenty of things I could/should be doing.

There is a blogger I read who's joy in life is to be a stay at home wife,

I thought she was crazy before (for many other reasons also) but now I know 

for a certain fact she is certifiably insane.

Maybe it's because I don't have friends to meet up with,

and we are too broke for me to be able to go out and go shopping,

but I would never want to do this day in and day out.

I need some human interaction.

Maybe I'm missing something, but this just isn't for me!

On that note, prayers would be very much appreciated.

I have a third interview with a company on Thursday,

and I really want and need this job.

It would allow us to start paying off debt and putting money in savings.

And it will get me out of the house.

It's a win win.

 

We're In

We are finally in our own place and out of my inlaw's house!

Hallelujah.

Friday my mother in law and I painted.

Yesterday we moved everything in.

I never want to move again..except back to California.

Our new place isn't super big, but it's bigger than our last one.

If you can believe this, our first apartment was 542 sq. ft.

Ya, it's no wonder we nearly killed each other every day.

This place, while still not "big", is much bigger for us, at a whopping 840 sq. ft.

I have a beautiful kitchen.

Complete with granite counter tops and beautiful glass sconces hanging over my kitchen island.

It's like a dream.

Maybe once all the boxes get put away I will take some pictures.

Because I'm sure you are just dying to see the place.

*there really needs to be a sarcastic font*

But we are home. 

At least what will be home for the next year.

And fingers crossed we have to move into something bigger next year 

because there is a baby joining our family.

One can only  hope.

On A Positive Note

I got a job offer this morning.

It's not  long term career type of job, 

but it's full time and will pay all my bills each month.

So color me THRILLED!

I will be working in a day care with kiddos ages 12 - 18 months.

I LOVE this age.

It was probably my favorite age with Sophia and Lily. 

I'm a little worried how it's going to work with me needing time off to go to RE appointments,

but we will just have to cross that bridge when the time comes.

And we are moving out of the in-law's in just 48 short hours.

Can I get an amen!

Things are looking up.

Things Are Changing

Things are certainly changing in our lives right now.

Travis started at his new store, and the hours are much longer.

He is hating it. 

He loved his last store. He loved his employees. He loved his GM.

I was offered a part time position at a retail store (I'm still looking for a "real" job)

and it pay's a whopping $9.50 an hour. 

All my paychecks combined would hardly cover my car payment, 

let alone the rest of the giant stack of bills.

I guess when the cost of living is much lower, companies don't have to pay as well.

This has been really hard for me to handle. 

The fact that I'm paying $40,000+ in student loans,

and can only get a job that will pay me $9 bucks an hour. Seriously?!?!

I have sent out at least 40 resumes. 

Times are desperate. And so I am.

I've starting applying for jobs I would have never considered before.

Positions I don't really want, but that pay better than $9/hour

and would allow us to pay off our debt, which was a huge reason for moving in the first place.

We, (like idiots) assumed this would be our chance to catch up financially

and put us in the position that when we do have a child (and you know how well that's going)

we could afford for me to stay home and not have all this debt.

Guess we were wrong.

At least for now. 

I'm praying and praying with every ounce of my being 

that a "real" job will come along soon. 

One that will at least pay what I was making in California.

And now I must go send out more resumes....

Randoms. Volume 4

This post is just a bunch of randoms. 

1.The weather here in Texas is mother flippin' HOT!

Last week was pretty nice and cool, but this week it's back in the 100's. 

Lovely.

2. I bought some fall scented candles the other day, and a fall smelly for my car.

They are divine.

Get yourself from Bath & Body stat.

3. The  job hunt out here sucks.

I've sent out at least 40 resumes, and I'm not having much luck. 

This is a great economy to be fresh out of college and looking for a job. 

4. I went to a ladies dinner thingy with my mother-in-law at her church tonight.

The food was terrible.

But the message was just what I needed these days. 

5. Not only does not working such because we need the income,

but every time I go to the store and buy something I feel guilty.

I never thought I would feel this way, I always assumed I would be thrilled to spend Trav's money,

but I hate knowing I'm not contributing to our family in any way right now.

6. I miss my family.

Terribly.

I miss the girls. 

Every day I think about what we would be doing at that exact time. 

Who's dumbass idea was it to move out here?

The New Plan

Today Travis and I met with my new RE here in Texas.

He had great online reviews and had won several "favorite doctor" awards, 

so I was hoping he would live up to the hype.

I can see why everyone loves him.

He is wonderful. 

He took his time and explained things, answered any questions we had, listened to

what I had to say, and never made me feel rushed to get to the next patient. 

We discussed everything and created our new plan.

I had an idea going in to this appointment what treatment I wanted to try next. 

He listened and gave me his opinion. 

He did say that if I wasn't pregnant in the next 2 cycles 

he wanted to check to see if I had endometriosis.

But since that requires surgery and being completely knocked out, he wanted to 

wait to do that until I had at least 4 unsuccessful attempts at getting pregnant.

So, as soon as my next cycle starts I will start Femara. 

No Clomid this cycle, although Femara is a similar drug. 

In addition to Femara I will be giving myself Gonal F injections every other day.

At CD9 I will have an ultrasound to see how my follies are growing, and adjust the injections as needed.

He also agreed that I needed help with my progesterone.
So I will be adding that to the mix this cycle as well after my IUI procedure.

Overall, I'm really happy with our new plan.

Today I have hope!

Tomorrow could be another story, but for today I'm hopeful for this cycle.

Now I just continue to wait....and wait...and wait for my next cycle to begin.

Hey Y'all

 We finally made it to Texas.

It was just a short little 28 hour drive. 

NEVER. AGAIN.

We had a few mishaps along the way, which included pulling over in Arizona 

to unload the entire trailer and repack it.

In 108 degree weather.

But it helped immensely in the long run.

And it was a million times safer after we did that.

But it still sucked balls.

Anyways, we are finally here.

I am still in shock that this actually happened.

Saying goodbye to my family was worse than I thought it was going to be.

I haven't cried that hard since my Grandpa passed away a few years ago.

My mom was a complete mess, full on hyperventilating sobbing.

My sister refused to cry in front of me, yet I still lost my mind as I hugged her goodbye.

My dad tried to keep it together, but he cried too.

I guess we are a family of hot messes.

So now the real fun begins.

We are staying with my in law's for the next 13 days 

until we can move into our new place.

I am FREAKING out about finding a job and have applied to every single place I can think of.

The stress of not having any income is really getting to me.

Oh, and since we are a one income family right now,

it would only make sense that the trailer we rented for the move wasn't big enough for all our stuff.

So we had to get rid of tons of stuff.

I realize it's just stuff, but now we have to buy all new things.

Normally I would be super excited about that, 

but not right now with me not working. 

(*note to self: don't let travis be the judge of how much will fit in uhaul next time we move)

So the very little amount of money I had set aside for decorating,

will now be going to purchasing all new stuff that I had just days ago.

At least shopping will keep me busy and out of this house!