A Change of Heart

I haven't written about our infertility journey for a while. 

Back in September we met with our RE to discuss IVF.

After that meeting we decided to move forward with IVF as our next option.

Our plan was to start in December. 

But, that was going to be a little more difficult than just waiting for the day to come.

Our ART's department was going to be closed the last two weeks of December/

early January. My RE was going on vacation until Jan. 5th. 

My cycle would have had to start no earlier than Dec. 23rd, no problem 

as I was "supposed" to start Dec. 25th, and I'm nearly always "late".

As the start dates got closer, I was not comfortable with our decision.

I had a lot of doubt and spent a lot of time second guessing this choice.

I in no way felt IVF was wrong, but just wrong for us at this moment. 

Don't get me wrong, I want to be pregnant more than anything, 

but starting IVF right now just didn't feel right. Something was telling me no. 

I talked to Travis about it, and he agreed if it didn't feel 120% confident

we shouldn't be doing it right now. 

The day after we had this conversation my cycle started. 

December 19th.

The decision was made for us, we wouldn't be doing IVF this cycle even if 

we had wanted to. 

Maybe that was God's way of protecting me from being upset having 

to "cancel" our treatment. 

As for now, I'm working on getting my body healthy.

I'm working on eating healthier and working out. 

For now, we have put off IVF until June. 

We are discussing adoption, but at this moment it is nothing

more than a discussion. 

I'm praying for a miracle in the next six months. 

But if it doesn't happen, I know in my heart that one day, somehow

we will be parents.