Perspective

We have been living here in Texas for almost a year and a half now.

I have to say, I really do love the people here. 

We have made some amazing, life long friends. 

We have added two wonderful dogs to our family.

Travis finally got a much deserved promotion. 

Texas has been great to us. 

And I can't wait to leave!

Living here, away from family has really put a lot of things into perspective for me.

I always knew I was close with my family, but never

truly realized how much I would miss them until we moved. 

A big part of moving here was because it was that dream that we would be

better off financially, and be able to "live the dream". 

The idea was we would be able to afford for me to stay home once 

we had kids, and be able to purchase a house, and fly home 

when I needed to see my family and friends. 

But that's how it works, it's always "supposed" to be a certain way. 

I can tell you, it hasn't been a single one of those things. 

But what moving here has given me is time to think about what is really 

important to me. What do I REALLY want?

What I really want, isn't a beautiful big house, it is a comfortable

place to call home within driving distance of my sister and parents. 

And if having to work after having kids is what has to happen, so be it. 

I grew up living very close to my grandparents, and seeing them all the time.

I always dreamed of having the same thing for my children one day.

That simply isn't going to happen living this far away.

I want my kids to grow up near their cousins and my friends kids. 

I want to be around when my first niece or nephew is born. 

Or when something exciting happens, to be close enough to celebrate.

I want to be able to meet Kim for margaritas and happy hour on Friday evenings,

and spend a few hours with the girls more than twice a year.

I want to be able to sit with my parents in their backyard chatting the afternoon away.

I want to take the dogs to the beach! 

I have realized those are the things that mean the most to me.

And those things are all back in California,

where I long to be. 

I will never look back on this decision to move to Texas as a mistake. 

It has shown me what I want and what is important. 

Sometimes you just need a change of scenery to make you realize

everything you ever wanted was right there in front of you all along. 

And while life there wasn't what you hoped and dreamed it would be,

it was actually much better. 

Hoping and praying we will be back in California by the end of 2013!

Love Light Session

Damn, I'm really bad at keeping up with things. 

For instance, our Christmas cards are still sitting on my desk,

addressed and ready to go...yet there they sit.

So it's really no surprise I never posted the pictures

from our Love Light Session with the amazing Lyndsay at Life In Motion Photography.

These were taken last August. Like I said, I'm on top of things.

I really cannot say enough about Lyndsay. 

She is incredible. 

This session was only a mini session, and I had the hardest time 

deciding which 5 photo's to chose. 

I can only imagine what a full session with her is like. 

Should I ever get pregnant, I'm driving my happy ass back to Austin

to have her do our maternity photo's. 

 

A Change of Heart

I haven't written about our infertility journey for a while. 

Back in September we met with our RE to discuss IVF.

After that meeting we decided to move forward with IVF as our next option.

Our plan was to start in December. 

But, that was going to be a little more difficult than just waiting for the day to come.

Our ART's department was going to be closed the last two weeks of December/

early January. My RE was going on vacation until Jan. 5th. 

My cycle would have had to start no earlier than Dec. 23rd, no problem 

as I was "supposed" to start Dec. 25th, and I'm nearly always "late".

As the start dates got closer, I was not comfortable with our decision.

I had a lot of doubt and spent a lot of time second guessing this choice.

I in no way felt IVF was wrong, but just wrong for us at this moment. 

Don't get me wrong, I want to be pregnant more than anything, 

but starting IVF right now just didn't feel right. Something was telling me no. 

I talked to Travis about it, and he agreed if it didn't feel 120% confident

we shouldn't be doing it right now. 

The day after we had this conversation my cycle started. 

December 19th.

The decision was made for us, we wouldn't be doing IVF this cycle even if 

we had wanted to. 

Maybe that was God's way of protecting me from being upset having 

to "cancel" our treatment. 

As for now, I'm working on getting my body healthy.

I'm working on eating healthier and working out. 

For now, we have put off IVF until June. 

We are discussing adoption, but at this moment it is nothing

more than a discussion. 

I'm praying for a miracle in the next six months. 

But if it doesn't happen, I know in my heart that one day, somehow

we will be parents.