Overwhelmed/Underwhelmed

I'm sorry this blog has been nothing but negative lately. (or ever)

I've been trying not to let myself get too down about all that is going on, or lack thereof. 

But, I've never been the most positive or optimistic person. And it's very hard for me to 

stay positive or look for the good in situations.

But I'm trying. sorta.

I would be lying to say I'm not completely overwhelmed right now with the drastic change in 

my diet that has taken place. 

I hate it. 

I know I ate like crap, but I'm really struggling with not being able to have sugar or refined carbs. 

Everything I love has both those ingredients in it. 

Oh well. I will live through it. 

Yet at the same time I am completely underwhelmed with life.

I'm bored. Constantly.

I'm bored at work with no adult interaction all day. Yes, the girls keep me super busy, but it's more like I'm busy telling them to stop hitting each other, stop biting and please, oh please stop throwing your food on the floor for the dog!

I get home after work and I just sit here. 

I have zero motivation to do anything.

I dont' enjoy crafting or sewing. 

I hate doing homework and put it off as long as possible.

I have lost all my mojo. 

I need to get out of this rut. 

Hopefully working out and getting out of the house with the girls will get me on the right track. 

But, I need new ideas for ways to relax and unwind.

Anyone have any good ideas?!

So Close

It has taken me nearly ten years but,

 I am 10 weeks away from my Bachelors degree.

2 classes left. 

I cannot believe I am so close.

There were times I never thought I would see this day.

I have changed my major once. 

And attended 4 colleges.

This weekend I registered for graduation.

Holy balls.

GRADUATION.

I can't believe I am typing this. 

I actually get to walk at my graduation ceremony in 7 weeks. 

I am beyond excited, and this may sound lame, but I'm really proud of myself.

I quit my second college because I just hated it. I hated everything about it.

It was a small, private interior design school.

I remember very few things I learned about interior design.

But I do remember the friendships I made. 

And the great time I had those 2 years. 

I took a few years off school after that. 

Once I went back it was because I really wanted to.

I wanted my degree.

It's taken me far longer than I ever thought it would.

It is costing me much more than I would like to think about.

But, I've done it.

And if feels so good.

Day Dreaming

It's a beautiful Sunday afternoon. 

The sun is shining, there is a slight breeze and it's 70 outside.

A perfect day.

Travis and I ran to Costco and had a lunch at a great new BBQ place we discovered.

On our way home we were talking about how we can't wait to one day be going home

 to a house.

With a yard.

A chocolate brown lab running around.

And more than one bedroom.

One day.

It's a perfect day for sitting in the backyard

drinking a glass of chilled sangria

and enjoying life with family and friends.

One day.

We day dream about spending our weekends at Home Depot,

making improvements to our home,

and working in the yard.

One day.

I dream of having a nursery to decorate.

Baby stuff all around the house.

Pushing a stroller through the neighborhood on daily walks.

And the sounds of a screaming baby filling the rooms of our home.

One day.

Hope In A Bottle

I know you all (all 2 of my readers) are just dying for an update

on my journey to getting pregnant! hahah

So here it is.

I finally saw my endocrinologist again after doing all my blood tests. 

He is treating me for low thyroid and PCOS.

I'm starting Metformin and Levothyroxin tomorrow morning. 

I have never been so excited to take some meds.

The plan is if I don't start ovulating in the next 3 to 6 months I will start Clomid.

I'm not going to lie, Clomid scares me a little bit. 

Hopefully the new "lifestyle" changes I am making and the introduction of these medications

will help me!

And hopefully that means a positive pregnancy test will be my near future. 

Hurt

Yesterday I hit another wall. 

The tears flowed and flowed and flowed. 

My Grams told me my cousin's wife is pregnant. 

Five days before this I learned that my other cousin (his sister) is pregnant. 

Then I logged on facebook and one of my "friends" delivered her baby yesterday.

It felt like a punch in the gut. 

I am happy for them. I really am.

But it's so hard when cycle after cycle nothing happens, and those around you are able to conceive on their first or second try. 

For the first time in this process I really just turned to God. 

I prayed.

And prayed.

And read God's word.

And prayed some more.

I just have to keep telling myself, God knows the desire of my heart to become a mother, and in his timing he will give me my hearts desire.

While we sit and wait for God's plan, it still hurts. 

It's painful.

Sometimes depressing.

Often time infuriating.

But most of all, it just hurts,

To want a child so bad, and have no control over creating that miracle.

One Year Down..

Last week T and I celebrated our first wedding anniversary. 

We chose to celebrate at one of our favorite places, Las Vegas!

We stayed at the Mirage, which we have stayed at before and really enjoyed. We got a great deal on the room because T is part of the players club, so we get great discounted rates. 

Upon arrival we asked about upgrading our room, and were told we could upgrade 

to a penthouse suite for an extra $80 a night. 

Like idiots we said "no, we will just stick with what we have".

We had to wait for our room to be cleaned and were told to come back in 2 hours. 

So we went to have some lunch and get our drink on!

We started talking and realized we were idiots NOT to upgrade our room. As it was we were only paying $77 for Saturday night and $44 for Sunday night. 

We went back to check in and asked if they still had rooms available. Sure enough they did! We were shown a floorplan of our original room, all 350 square feet. 

Then we saw the floorplan for our new room, coming in at 1250 square feet. 

We were sold.

(*keep in mind, our apartment is 540 sq.ft., so this was palatial to say the least)

Our room was beautiful. I never wanted to leave. I still want to go back and move in.

The Bedroom 

(*please ignore T, he was trying to get the iHome to work)

Dining Area

Living Room and Bar 

Part of the bathroom and the most amazing hydrotherapy bath in the world

This was the perfect way to celebrate our first year of marriage. I'm not going to lie, our first year wasn't all sunshine and roses, but it was fun, exciting and my love for T only grew this past year. I can't wait to celebrate many, many more anniversaries with him.