Thursday, April 30, 2009

The Most Overrated Place on Earth

Thats right, what is better known as the "Happiest Place on Earth" I refer to as the "Most Overrated Place on Earth". On Tuesday I made the trek to Disneyland with my friend Ambre, and her son Collin, for his 5th birthday! Ambre, please take note: THIS POST IS NOT IN REFERNCE TO YOU; JUST DISNEYLAND! Here is my open letter to Disneyland.

Dear Crappiest Kingdom on Earth,
Thank you so much for allowing me to pay you $70 just so I can get trampled by a heard of people with no clue what direction they are going in. I strongly suggest you put in stop lights throughout the park, therefor people when know when to stop their stroller in the middle of a walkway; not just whenever seems convient for them. My next suggestion would be to lower your prices. I know, I know, people will pay anything to get into Disneyland. However, look around, we are in a recession here. Although, you wouldn't know it by entering the park.On top the of money I have to pay to get in, first you hit me up for $12 just to park my car?!?! Which comes before I think I am close to parking and getting out, only to discover I must drive 2 miles away to a different parking lot, which will take even longer to get to and from the park. Always thinking Disney, aren't you? And then $3 for a soda?! I can buy a beer for that price. Speaking of which, I highly advice you start selling the stuff within park gates. It is the only way that hearing 50,000 screaming children will ever make a single person want to have a child, or someone with children want to have another, or not murder their own for screaming at the top of their lungs.

Another novel idea, find a way to keep kids busy while standing in line in excess off 30 minutes for a ride that last's 2 minutes. I'm pretty sure the creative genius' that get paid millions to work for you can create something. They can probably even design some way for you to make more money while people are simply standing in line. And last, but not least, if I have to pay $70 to get in, I expect ALL rides to be working. Don't rob me of the "fun". That's like paying $10 for a pb&j, and only getting jelly. Lame. I truly have no idea what people see in your "magical kingdom". I feel as though I desrve a refund, because I don't find it to be the "happiest place on earth". For me, that is somewhere I can hear the conversation of the person next to me, there are no strollers running me over, I can drink as many cocktails while I meander around, and I don't have to shell out my life savings, just for one day.
Love, Me

And one more thing, to the family we sat next to at are a disgrace. How do you have the nerve to tell your 2 year old who starts to whine that he needs to go poop, "hold on", as your proceed to pull down his pants IN THE RESTAURANT, place a diaper on him, while he is standing up, and say "okay, you can go poop now". ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I know the walk to the bathroom is a whole 20 steps away. You deserve the parent of the year award. Way to teach your kids at an early age to take the easy way out. I'm sure when you are old and they are taking care of you, and you need to use the restroom, you are going to LOVE hearing them say, "Mom, I just put a diaper on you, you can go now".

Unfortunatly for Travis, who loves Disneyland, which I have NO idea why, we won't be going back for quite some time. Unless I get some more free passes. At which point I will have to smuggle gallons of my friends Jagermeister and Jack Daniels with me.

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