Friday, October 16, 2009

Not What I Was Anticipating

I have spent the past 13 years planning my wedding. That's right, it started when I was 13 years old and I picked up my first wedding magazine. I didn't just dream about it, oh no, I took it to a whole new level. I started purchasing wedding magazine's every single chance I got. I made "booklets" with magazine cut outs of exactly what my wedding was going to be. I even sent away for information from vendors (my parents LOVED this). The older I got, the more intense the planning was. Even when there was no husband in site. Then I started dating T, and I knew early on that he was the perfect guy for me. (I know, gag) He knew my obsession with weddings, but I always played it off because of my desire to one day be an event planner. Then as time went on and T and got more serious I really started planning. I had no idea it was going to be so long before we actually got engaged.

Needless to say, I have planned our wedding, roughly 40 times. I had a wedding for every season, several states (Cali, Texas, Arizona, Nevada), and even considered a destination wedding (which FYI sounds like a marvalous plan right about now). I knew what flowers I wanted depending on the season, which theme I would chose and all the small details that went along with each of those themes. My wedding plans have gone from several local wineries, to a small family only backyard event in Lake Tahoe, to getting hitched in Las Vegas at the Wynn, Mandalay Bay and Caesars Palace. There were plans for Sedona and Scottsdale, Arizona. I carefully planned a wedding to be held at an amazing ranch in Austin, Texas. I searched for the perfect "old" chapel in Dallas, Texas. There were plans for a backyard wedding at our friends house. Details for a wedding on a cruise and all inclusive in Mexico or the Bahamas. There were ideas for a winter wedding in Lake Tahoe, Julian and Big Bear. A summer wedding in Big Bear, Julian and Lake Arrowhead. I can tell you about almost any location in San Diego or South Orange County. What I'm getting at is, I thought once I actually got engaged planning would be the easiest thing I have ever done. I could do it with my eyes shut and my hands tied behind my back and no internet for miles around.

And then I got engaged. And suddenly these exquisite, fabulous and stunning weddings I had planned came to a screaching halt. There was one minor (HUGE) detail I overlooked...THE BUDGET. And while I never dreamed that I would still be a waitress when I got married, I also always dreamed I would have at least double the budget I do have. Suddenly planning our wedding became a lot more work. I had to make sure all our decisions and choices were within reason and budget friendly. And the hardest decision of all was to chose if I wanted to have the wedding of my dreams (to the man of my dreams of course) and only have 50 people there, or have a huge wedding but none of it be what I dreamed my day would be. I went for option A. It kills me that I am not able to invite everyone I would like to. Believe me. But it was the choice I made. And yes I realize at the end of the day all that matters is that we are married, and that is so true. But for someone who has been planning this day for 13 years, not only do I want to enjoy every single moment of it with T, but I want to look back at what I created (especially since I am DIY'ing so much of it).

What I am getting at is, wedding planning is not what I always dreamed it would be. In all honesty, there are so many days I don't even want to think about it. I wish I could have sold T on the idea of eloping. So much less work involved and fewer feelings hurt. My parents wouldn't be going broke, especially since my sister was married only 7 months ago. I sometime wonder if I would be able to relax more and just really have soaked it all in and truly enjoyed the moment of being engaged and wedding planning. Don't get me wrong, I am so thrilled to be marrying T, but this 6 month wait is not as fun as I thought it would be.

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