Monday, February 16, 2009

I'm Pathetic

I am officall pathetic. I am having a bit of a rough day today. Depression is kicking my butt tonight. I realize that compared to many other people, I really have nothing to be upset or depressed about. I know that. But I do feel depressed today. There are just so many things going through my mind right now, and I feel as though I have no outlet to express all of my thoughts. So I am doing it here; for the world to read.

I am very worried about the whole situation of Travis getting into management. Our whole live's basically are dependent on that happening. And with the way the economy is right now, and our company closing down 35 stores (although that was world wide) it really freaks me out and makes me wonder why on earth they would be promoting anyone. While I am always the negative one, I just worry that his managers are dicking him around and getting all this extra work out of him, damn well knowing there isn't going to be an opportunity for quite a while. When the talks of Travis getting into management even started, we must have both been really naive. That was almost 4 months ago. We figured at least by now he would have started training. He has yet to even be offered a position.

What is more frustrating than that is that our lives together are based upon this happening. Us being able to move, afford to buy a house, have children, Travis finish school, all of this. Yes, those things will happen if he doesn't get this promotion, but they really won't be happening for a while. I think it is the thought of all of that that is very upsetting to me. I guess I look at so many people around me, and they decide to do something, whether it's have a baby, move, get married, buy a house, whatever, and then they do it. In the case of us, it seems to take years for it to happen. I just want some answers. Definite answers.

Although as I am typing this I just realized what I really need. I just need to trust in God. I know he has a plan for Travis and I. I have to go by God's plan for our lives, not our own. I really need to remind myself of this more often. It's Gods plan, not my own.

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