Perspective

We have been living here in Texas for almost a year and a half now.

I have to say, I really do love the people here. 

We have made some amazing, life long friends. 

We have added two wonderful dogs to our family.

Travis finally got a much deserved promotion. 

Texas has been great to us. 

And I can't wait to leave!

Living here, away from family has really put a lot of things into perspective for me.

I always knew I was close with my family, but never

truly realized how much I would miss them until we moved. 

A big part of moving here was because it was that dream that we would be

better off financially, and be able to "live the dream". 

The idea was we would be able to afford for me to stay home once 

we had kids, and be able to purchase a house, and fly home 

when I needed to see my family and friends. 

But that's how it works, it's always "supposed" to be a certain way. 

I can tell you, it hasn't been a single one of those things. 

But what moving here has given me is time to think about what is really 

important to me. What do I REALLY want?

What I really want, isn't a beautiful big house, it is a comfortable

place to call home within driving distance of my sister and parents. 

And if having to work after having kids is what has to happen, so be it. 

I grew up living very close to my grandparents, and seeing them all the time.

I always dreamed of having the same thing for my children one day.

That simply isn't going to happen living this far away.

I want my kids to grow up near their cousins and my friends kids. 

I want to be around when my first niece or nephew is born. 

Or when something exciting happens, to be close enough to celebrate.

I want to be able to meet Kim for margaritas and happy hour on Friday evenings,

and spend a few hours with the girls more than twice a year.

I want to be able to sit with my parents in their backyard chatting the afternoon away.

I want to take the dogs to the beach! 

I have realized those are the things that mean the most to me.

And those things are all back in California,

where I long to be. 

I will never look back on this decision to move to Texas as a mistake. 

It has shown me what I want and what is important. 

Sometimes you just need a change of scenery to make you realize

everything you ever wanted was right there in front of you all along. 

And while life there wasn't what you hoped and dreamed it would be,

it was actually much better. 

Hoping and praying we will be back in California by the end of 2013!

1 Year

This weekend marks one year since we moved here to Texas.

What a year it has been! 

There have been some really hard times this past year,

but overall I am so glad we made this decision.

I think I would have always regretted not moving here and giving it a try.

 

I have mentioned before, I absolutely love the area we live in.

Everything we could ever need or want is within a 5 minute drive. 

We have also made some really great friends out here. 

Adopting Callie has certainly been a huge highlight of our life here in Texas.

 

Travis has worked his ass of this last year, and last Saturday he was 

finally rewarded for all his hard work.

He got a nice big promotion! 

I am so proud of him, and this is a very well deserved promotion.

It has been a lovely way to end our first year here in Texas.

Don't get me wrong, I miss my family and friends back in California

very, very much. But we are finally settling in to life here in Texas.

My sister is coming to visit in a few weeks and I just can't wait. 

We are hoping this next year here has many more blessings in store for us!

We're In

We are finally in our own place and out of my inlaw's house!

Hallelujah.

Friday my mother in law and I painted.

Yesterday we moved everything in.

I never want to move again..except back to California.

Our new place isn't super big, but it's bigger than our last one.

If you can believe this, our first apartment was 542 sq. ft.

Ya, it's no wonder we nearly killed each other every day.

This place, while still not "big", is much bigger for us, at a whopping 840 sq. ft.

I have a beautiful kitchen.

Complete with granite counter tops and beautiful glass sconces hanging over my kitchen island.

It's like a dream.

Maybe once all the boxes get put away I will take some pictures.

Because I'm sure you are just dying to see the place.

*there really needs to be a sarcastic font*

But we are home. 

At least what will be home for the next year.

And fingers crossed we have to move into something bigger next year 

because there is a baby joining our family.

One can only  hope.

Hey Y'all

 We finally made it to Texas.

It was just a short little 28 hour drive. 

NEVER. AGAIN.

We had a few mishaps along the way, which included pulling over in Arizona 

to unload the entire trailer and repack it.

In 108 degree weather.

But it helped immensely in the long run.

And it was a million times safer after we did that.

But it still sucked balls.

Anyways, we are finally here.

I am still in shock that this actually happened.

Saying goodbye to my family was worse than I thought it was going to be.

I haven't cried that hard since my Grandpa passed away a few years ago.

My mom was a complete mess, full on hyperventilating sobbing.

My sister refused to cry in front of me, yet I still lost my mind as I hugged her goodbye.

My dad tried to keep it together, but he cried too.

I guess we are a family of hot messes.

So now the real fun begins.

We are staying with my in law's for the next 13 days 

until we can move into our new place.

I am FREAKING out about finding a job and have applied to every single place I can think of.

The stress of not having any income is really getting to me.

Oh, and since we are a one income family right now,

it would only make sense that the trailer we rented for the move wasn't big enough for all our stuff.

So we had to get rid of tons of stuff.

I realize it's just stuff, but now we have to buy all new things.

Normally I would be super excited about that, 

but not right now with me not working. 

(*note to self: don't let travis be the judge of how much will fit in uhaul next time we move)

So the very little amount of money I had set aside for decorating,

will now be going to purchasing all new stuff that I had just days ago.

At least shopping will keep me busy and out of this house!

Packing, Packing, Packing

Oh my word, I hate packing.

I started before I left for my week long trip to Texas,

and there was plenty left waiting for me when I returned.

Seriously, packing and moving is a nightmare.

In the midst of packing all our crap,

I realized just how much stuff I have.

More like, just how much baby stuff I have.

I have talked before about how if I see things for a great deal, I'm just going to buy it.

I certainly never thought I would "storing" things this long and not getting to put them to use.

But I've already gone on and one about that. 

So I thought it would be funny to show you all just how crazy I am,

and how much stuff I already have.

This should be a good laugh for all of you!

Oh, and this doesn't include the 20 gallon tub of clothing I have. God help me. 

Hotsling's Sling..$10 brand new @ Target

Jack Purcell's...$9 at Converse Outlet

Miracle Blanket..I think I paid around $8 brand spankin' new

Swaddle Design's Blanket...$4 at Babies R Us.

Boppy..Kim gave it to me!

Svan Bouncer...$15 at second hand kid's store..I plan on buying a new bouncer fabric set

Kissaluv's Cloth Diapers, I think I paid around $20 for 7

LilyPad..I won this on a giveaway!

My absolute favorite and the best gift I have ever received (aside from my engagement ring)

So there you have it. 

I'm not going to lie, there is lot's more I left off.

I couldn't let you see how insane I really am!

 

Going, Going Back to Back to Cali, Cali

Woohoo! 

Tomorrow I get to go back to California!

At least for about ten days.

Then comes the day I am dreading, moving day.

We officially leave September 1st

But I don't want to think about that right now.

These next nine days I am going to try to cherish every moment.

The last time I will get to see many friends for a while.

The last time I will get to see the girls until their 2nd birthday.

And the last time I get to see my family.

Typing that is like a dagger in my heart. 

 This weekend is our going away party.

I just want to enjoy it.

Enjoy the time with loved one's.

And spend our last few days with the people we love the most. 

This next week is going to be filled with so many tears.

But I'm going to try to remember the good times.

And start planning our move back to Cali!

Bored. As. Hell

Early this morning my dad and I left for Texas.

We are heading out there so my car is there, and so I can look for a job & apartment.

I knew this drive was going to be long, like 1300+ miles,

but I was not prepared for just how damn boring the drive is.

Holy shiz.

Watching paint dry might be just as entertaining. 

These pictures are from places all along the 11 hour drive...

notice how the scenery doesn't change much.

I was going to run to Target last night to grab some magazines and a book,

but we ran out of time before they were going to close. 

I MUST get magazines for tomorrow's part of the trip.

Tonight we stopped in El Paso, Texas.

Good heavens, this place is a shit hole. 

Sorry if you happen to live here or like it,

but it's a far cry from the streets of So Cal that I am accustom to!

I know DFW isn't going to be the same as San Diego, 

and that's perfectly fine with me, I'm looking forward to the change.

But El Paso, this place is just crap.

I told Travis had I seen this before every going to DFW, there is no way in hell

I would have never, ever considered moving to Texas.

Thank the good Lord we will be out of here in less than 12 hours!

Fourteen Days

I leave for Texas in 14 days.

14. DAYS.

I'm freaking out. 

I have 1 box packed. Look at me, the overachiever!

The whole point of this trip is for me to try to find a job.

My resume isn't finished.

I have yet to apply to a single job. 

 I certainly don't have any interview's scheduled.

Guess I will be spending 10 days driving around getting to know the area.

And my in-laws.

Did I mention I am staying with them for 8 days?

Mmhmm, I'm staying at their house while my hubs is enjoying our apartment in SD all to himself.

Maybe I should add I have spent maybe a total of 2 hours alone with them.

This should be interesting. 

Looks like I will be smuggling wine in my room. 

(They aren't cool with drinking. Clearly these are not my parents!)

I am very grateful they are letting me stay there, and they even bought my plane ticket home 

the following week, which was beyond nice of them.

But, it's still going to be weird. 

Pray for me people!

Round Two

Sure enough, we are moving on to round two.

Our Clomid/T.I. cycle did not end in a pregnancy.

I did ovulate, which is good though. 

This cycle we are trying Clomid and our first IUI cycle.

I'm a little nervous.

Not about the actual procedure, but about whether or not it will work.

I am under A LOT of stress right now, and I'm worried about how it's affecting my body.

Between the stress of moving (in 3 short weeks), not having a job, leaving my family 

and the stress of this cycle working, I can't imagine it not affecting my body.

I am trying my best to stay calm.

I really would LOVE for this cycle to work. 

Not just because I want to have a child and be pregnant, 

but I would love to be able to tell my parents face to face, not over the phone. 

It may seem lame, but I want to be there when I can finally announce the news.

I started my Clomid last night, and holy shiz, I can already tell the increased dose 

is making me a little "on edge" shall we say.

Travis says I'm never allowed to take it again. hahaha

We will see about that!

 Hopefully I won't have to take it again, but I learned my lesson of wishing for that last month. 

I'm very hopeful that this cycle works, but I'm going to try not to get my hopes up as much as last month.

 I tried not getting my hopes up last month, but I couldn't help it.

It was our first month having an actual chance.

Hopefully the next month will fly by and have a BFP waiting for me at the end!

It Hit Me

Tonight on my drive home from my parents house it hit me.

We are moving a billion miles away from them.

I have know this,

but tonight it hit me like a bitch slap in the face.

I started crying, and crying, and sobbing.

What have I done?

I know why we made this decision, but right now it's hard to focus on those reasons.

I can't help but think that I can't just get in the car and drive 40 min. 

up the road and be at my parents or sister's house. 

Now, I have to get on a plane to see them.

I hate to fly.  Have I ever told you that?

I can't believe I am moving in five weeks. 

FIVE FLIPPIN' WEEKS.

I couldn't wait for this day to get here fast enough,

and now I'm hoping time will stop for just a little while.

I told T that I will be spending the next five weekends with my family.

Mom, Dad, Sista & Sista Freak, 

If you ever read this just know I will miss you more than you will ever know.

I love each of you with all my heart. 

More than you will ever know.

Now, move to Texas so we can all be together! 

What Almost Was

I was flipping through my iPhone photo's tonight

and came across the pictures of the house Travis and I wanted to buy last year.

We had gone to Texas to visit and thought we would look at homes 

just to give ourselves and idea of what was in our price range.

I don't think either of us though we would find a house we loved so much.

I think about that house all the time.

Not just because it was a house, as opposed to our tiny apartment,

but because we really loved every single thing about it.

EVERY. SINGLE. THING

It was and still is my ideal floorplan.

The elevation we had chosen had a lovely front porch, something we both dream of having.

It was on a golf course. 

The cherry on top, it was 1300 square feet bigger than our current apartment 

and would have cost us $4 more a month than our rent.

That's right,

$4 FREAKIN' DOLLARS!!

So here is a little tour of the house that almost was ours. 

(Please excuse the picture quality & lovely lighting. I worked with what I had at the time. And it was storming while I was taking pics)

Looking back at the front door from the great room.

To the left was laundry room and garage.

Down the hall and to the right were 2 bedrooms and a full bath

Kitchen

Dining Area

Great Room

(It was big, even though it doesn't look like it here)

Formal Dining

(We planned to use it as a kid's toy area)

Master Bath

Master Bedroom

(Again, bigger than it looks)

Laundry Room

(Huge improvement from the washer & dryer we don't have in our apartment now)

Our Lot

The "Backyard"

(It's hard to tell, but our view would have been the golf course. I think it was the 2nd hole)

Moving...One of These Days

We should be moving in about 7 weeks.

However, we still don't have an actual moving date.

Nor do we know what town T will be working in.

It's rather difficult to plan a move when you don't know when you are moving.

It's even harder to look for a place to live when you don't know where you are moving.

We have several town's we like, but until we know where he is working,

we can't decide which area we will settle down in. 

Especially since our top towns are on completely opposite ends of the metroplex.

I would hate to pick an area, and then have T commuting 45+min. a day.

So here we sit. 

Hoping and waiting to hear something. 

It's infuriating to be making such a huge move and have no control over any of it at this point. 

Not to mention, I'm stressed about every single factor about moving.

And I don't deal well with stress.

If I'm not blogging much, not that I ever did, just know that between

the stress of moving and trying to get pregnant, I have very few nice things to say.

For once I will try to keep the bitching and moaning to a minimum. 

Untitled

I have been dreading this day since we decided to move.

I knew telling Kim my boss/friend we were moving was going to be emotional.

I just didn't realize how emotional.

I wanted to give her plenty of advance notice so she didn't feel rushed into

finding a new nanny or daycare for the girls.

But I knew telling her was going to suck.

The entire afternoon I felt like I was going to throw up,

and I just kept hugging the girls, crying and telling them how much I love them.

When I told Kim the news, I started crying. 

I felt terrible. I still do.

We talked and she was completely understanding and supportive,

which actually made me feel even worse.

How I could I leave this family who I love and they love me?

Kim started crying a little, and I couldn't even look at her because I knew I would lose my shit.

I left feeling like I had punched her in the stomach.

I cried the whole way home.

Telling her the news was one million times harder than telling my own family.

Then last night I got online and read the most sincere blog post she wrote. 

The tears instantly starting flowing, much like they are doing right now as I type this.

She talked about how much they would miss me, and how she cried after I left,

and how much the girls love me, and every other nice thing you can think of.

Kim and the girls have no idea how much I am truly going to miss them.

I had no idea when I took this job I would actually end up creating 

a friendship that would last a lifetime.

The thought of not seeing the girls every week day kills me.

They are my little rays of sunshine.

The way the hug me and give me kisses warms my black heart! 

These girls give me hope every day that I will one day be a mom.

And then there is Kim.

There are not enough words to describe how thankful I am to have her in my life.

She really has shown me what true friendship is. 

She has been there for me in so many ways, and I will never be able to 

give back to her all she has given to me. 

I know we will still talk crap of celebrities and idiot bloggers.

We will still send billions of emails a day.

But not getting to sit down with her over our morning cup of Starbucks 

and just talk will be one thing I miss the most.

Seriously, I could go on and on about her, 

but then you would want to be her friend,

and I don't want to share! 

In the time left I do have with them 

I intend on taking full advantage of every day.

The girls are probably going to hate me for all the hugs and kisses, 

but too bad, I've got to get them all in while I can.

Kim, 

Thank you for your friendship, support, love, kindness, generosity, and shit talking abilities!

You will be so missed my dear friend, but never forgotten. 

And I promise to fly out here so our babies can have play dates, 

where Lily can teach them the disco roll and how to climb anything in their sight

and Sophia can show teach them sign language and how to rock their babies.

I love you all so much. 

Your family will forever have a huge place in my life and heart. 

Taking The Plunge

Since Travis and I started talking marriage 4 years ago

we always talked about the possibility of moving to Texas.

He grew up there and loves every single thing about it.

I have gone to visit his family over the years,

and I was shocked when I realized I really loved it too.

Last summer we went out to visit his family and check out some houses

to see what was in our price range and whether or not this was for us.

We found our dream starter home.

The perfect floorplan, square footage and it was on a golf course.

Literally, our backyard would have overlooked the 3rd hole.

On the flight home I lost it and realized I couldn't leave my family.

So, we decided to stay here.

Then as months passed we talked about Travis' long term goals at work

and he expressed that we ultimately wanted to work at the corporate level.

It just happens to be based in Dallas.

He started applying for a few jobs, but the fact that we live in California was hurting his chances.

So, the talks began again.

I realized that as much as I love and adore my family,

the only way Travis and I would be able to have the lifestyle we longed for, 

was to move out of California.

(*by lifestyle I mean, for me to be a SAHM, when we have kids, not "drive a Range and wear expensive jewelry" lifestyle)

It hit me then and there that I had to do what we thought was best for our family.

Or at least give it a try.

All that to say,

we are moving to Texas...

 in 10ish weeks.

We are so very excited.

I cannot wait to see what this new chapter in our life has in store for us. 

I am looking forward to getting to explore everything Texas has to offer. 

My biggest concern with the move is finding a job.

I don't intend on nannying once we move out there.

Mainly because, I work for such an incredible family right now

and I don't think I will find anything close to that ever again. 

Not only that, but I did graduate a few months ago and I would like to try 

and put my degree to use, even if only for a short while. 

I know we are in a horrible economy, and jobs are few and far between.

I am terrified I won't be able to find a job when we get out there.

And not working is not an option.

We are planning to rent the first year we are there and use the difference in rent

from what we were spending here to pay down our debt.

The "plan" is to purchase a house after the first year. 

We will see how that goes.

Everything else I seem to plan sends me for a loop, so we will just say we "hope" to buy a house! 

We have ten weeks left, and so much to do.

Not only finding an apartment, packing, and finding me a job,

but a trip to Palm Springs, Tim Mcgraw concert, my birthday,

 a baby shower my sister and I are throwing, a going away party

and flying to Texas to do some apartment shopping. 

Oh, and spending as much time as possible with family and friends.

It is going to be a busy 2 months.